Archives 2004

20 December 2004

iraqPod

There's now an online service in the 'States that allows you to iPod-ize your digital snaps. For a fee, you can upload your shots of your cat/lover/vacation/ass/whatever and get back the signature silhouette style of the famous iPod ads. I thought - "what if the cretins that took all those snaps in Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq had had this service"? Behold:

iRaqPod

Possibly the most tasteless thing ever posted on this blog. Sorry.

Here's the story in Wired, and here's the iPod My Photo site.

18 December 2004

FBRC2004

FBRC2004The photos are finally in from the 2004 version of the venerable Fall Bike Ride Classic, an annual cycling event marked by boozy guy-style comeraderie, unpredictable weather and roughly 7 hours of night-time offroad bike riding. For those who don't know, the FBRC involves a gang of otherwise sensible men hurtling through the darkness in November, largely along the unlit and unmaintained pathways that snake through the many ravines in Toronto's east end.

The FBRC is the brainchild of Mr. Maurice G, who has a perverse affinity for such endeavours. If the weather is bad, then the ride must be good, according to Mr. G's philosophy. Unfortunately the weather cooperated this year and ride conditions were pretty much ideal for November - cool but not cold, light wind (in the ravines) and no rain to speak of. In spite of some no-shows by previous years' participants, who elected instead to skulk around various disreputable drinking establishments in the Beaches, the turnout was impressive and the ride was another success, this being the 7th year of the event.

Astute viewers may note that most photos show more standing around and drinking than actual riding, but I can assure you that this is indeed a photographic anomaly. The frequent pit stops were of course merely to enable the riders to recover from the gruelling ordeal of the previous leg of the ride, and to gather some much-needed strength for the challenges to come. I'm not sure how alcoholic beverages made their way into so many shots. (The preceding paragraph has been approved by the FBRC legal team).

Click here for the photos.

3 December 2004

In the Name of the Lord

Apparently many christians in the 'states (and presumably here in Canada too) are fond of proclaiming their membership in the Jesus death cult during even casual conversation, as in "Well I'm a christian and I think that blah blah blah". I wonder how many are still proudly making statements like that after Jerry Falwell's latest ignorant outburst? Did you miss it? He was on CNN a couple of weeks ago(sorry, I just saw the clip yesterday) bleating on about how W. is doing such a great job hunting down the terrorists. Here's the quote: "... you've got to kill the terrorists before the killing stops. And I'm for the president to chase them all over the world. If it takes 10 years, blow them all away in the name of the Lord." Huh? I wasn't aware that Jesus was now in favour 'blowing thine enemy away', but if Falwell says so then I guess He's had a change of heart. There was of course some predictable outrage from sensible folk over Jerry's latest vile remark (he's made plenty over the years), but somehow he keeps getting his mug back on tv to do it all over again. I guess tv ratings really do trump morality, just like Falwell himself has said in the past. It makes your head spin.

27 November 2004

Hip Hip Hooray

Your humble narrator took in the Tragcially Hip show at the ACC last night, courtesy of Tom R, who acted in a similar (ticket procuring) role back in '02 when we attended the Hamilton show. Since I was able to maintain full consciousness this time, I did enjoy the concert more fully and yes, completely. Gord Downie still runs the show like some maniacal court jester who forgot to take his Ritalin - he may be the best white rapper on the planet, and he does pack a killer set of pipes and a boatload of enthusiasm. Both were most in evidence on the older tunes, say 'Day for Night' or earlier. Or maybe that's just my preference - the near-capacity crowd went consistently nuts for about 99% of everything the band layed down. The new stuff left me pretty cold, though. All in all a lovely evening's rock and/or roll type entertainment.

20 November 2004

Whoa, Like, Sorry, Dudes...

A new website south of the border aims to set it straight for the rest of the world: Americans are not all redneck bible-thumping forner-hatin' Bush supporters. www.sorryeverybody.com is like a clearing house for sheepish apologies from what looks like just about every person in the Blue States. For us folks here in Canada it won't come as a shock that there are millions of decent, thoughtful, non-warmongering Americans down there - I've known quite a few Americans in my life and could never reconcile my personal experience of them with the ongoing train wreck that is public life in the U.S. these days. I'm sure it's the same for a lot of us here - we do business there, take vactions there, and meet Americans all the time who come to Canada to do the same. I have no solution to the Republicanization of the 'States, at least none that don't involve armed insurrection. Looking over this site though, does give me some hope that our southern neighbours will come to their collective senses eventually. Good luck, Blue States, and of course, God Bless.

11 November 2004

Wait 2 Years, then Turn on the Bright Lights

Turn on the Bright Lights Okay, this CD came out in 2002 but it's taken me until now to clue into Interpol, my new favourite band. I've been playing the shit out of this all week and probably driving my co-workers insane, but I can't seem to stop. I'll spare you the review, especially since the hipsters at Pitchfork Media do it so much better, but imagine a sound that somehow combines Joy Division, Television, Echo & the Bunnymen, New Order and maybe a hint of early U2. Their first full-length CD was (is) called Turn on the Bright Lights and you can click here to read the review on Pitchfork.



And while we're at it, why not consider the band's equally brilliant 2004 follow-up, Antics? Once again, the good folks at Pitchfork provide the geeky analysis.

 

 

 

 

10 November 2004

Mommy Knows Best

Hey all you bike riders out there, did you know that our beloved Ontario government is close to enacting legislation that would require ALL bike riders, regardless of age, to wear a helmet? It's reached second reading in the legislature and so far there has not been any consultation with the general public or with cycling groups.

Never mind that mandating helmet use is unlikely to save many, if any, lives (statistically, cycling is just not a very dangerous activity) - the bottom line is really that it should be a personal choice if you are an adult. Hell, they allow people to smoke. What's more dangerous?

If you think you need the provincial government to hold your hand as you go through life, then fine, don't write to them and don't tell them they have their collective heads (once again) up their collective arses. Otherwise, send an email to Premier Dalton McGuinty. Here's what I wrote, you can copy it verbatim if you like:

Dear Premier,

Regarding the new proposed mandatory helmet law for cyclists, I have 2 things to say:

1. Helmets are a good idea. I wear one just about every time I ride.
2. If an adult cyclist does not wish to wear a helmet, he or she should not be forced to.

I also understand that this proposed new law has reached second reading in the house without any consultation whatsoever with cycling groups in Ontario. This is not acceptable. I would like your assurance that before the government proceeds any further with this that you invite cycling advocacy groups as well as interested citizens to express their concerns and ideas.

Sincerely,

(your name here)

Send to: dmcguinty.mpp.co@liberal.ola.org
CC: info@VeloOntario.ca (they're spearheading a letter-writing campaign)

Happy riding.

7 November 2004

Jesusland Votes

Ok, I've calmed down enough now to say something about the U.S. election results.

The big question around these parts, (ie. planet earth excluding 51% of the United States) is "How could they elect him again?" A more than valid question, given the egregious record of the Bush administration on a wide range of issues. Let's not go into that record here, though, there isn't enough time or space to do it justice.

I have a couple of interlocking thoughts on how a significant swath of the American public could have bought into the Republican program. Because if you think rationally about the past 4 years, it becomes painfully obvious that Bush & Co. do not have the best interests of the average American at heart. Quite the opposite, it seems to me.

First, there appears to be an extremely limited ability among citizens of most western societies to think deeply and critically about important and/or complex issues. The people of our grandparents' generation were much better equipped to analyse and discuss political and philosophical ideas than are most of our contemporaries. This I think is in part due to two post-war trends in the west: the rise of television and the decline in quality of basic education.

Television

It is almost impossible to underestimate the impact that TV has had on modern society. It has now reached the point that the vast majority of us receive our impressions of how the world works via this medium, a medium that is ill-suited to any kind of in-depth analysis or presentation of complex ideas. Television has become the final arbiter of what we are permitted to think about, and more importantly how we are able to think about it. Any idea that cannot be reduced to the simplest of binary terms gets filtered out entirely, or altered beyond recogition in order to make it digestible to the television audience. I know there are exceptions to this. However, the CNN/Fox News/infotainment model is now the rule. The result? Most of us are incapable of any kind of sustained critical thought about any issue, no matter how important it may be. The Republicans know this and they exploit it to the fullest.

Education

Basic literacy and numeracy used to be the bedrock of our primary education system. Children learned to read and write correctly, to spell properly, and to think logically about problems whether mathematical or otherwise. Not having been inside the primary education system in some years now, I do not have absolute insight into how things are done now, but enough information does come through the media (yes, including tv) for me to know that our previous strong emphasis on these bedrock values has been somehow diluted. That together with chronic underfunding, particularly in the U.S. but also here in Canada, has led to an under-performing education system that turns out young adults who no longer know how to think rigourously about much of anything.

These 2 trends by themselves are enough to account for the general dumbing-down of the American public. An uncritical populace is a docile one, and one that is easily led to convenient conclusions if you know where to attach the leash. I think this is what is happening south of the border right now.

A third trend, and I do think it's connected to at least the second point above, is religion. Anyone able to think logically, critically, and rigourously about so-called 'faith' issues can only come to the conclusion that religion, especially as practiced by today's evangelical sects, fails every test of truth. On the other hand, if one has been inculcated in a particular stream of religious thought from a young age and does not possess the mental acuity to question religious dogma from a rational point of view, then one will simply accept as Truth what one has been told is true. Again, the Republicans know this and have cynically exploited it to the fullest. Hence the unassailable assertion that George Bush is a "man of God", when his actions reveal that he is anything but.

The good news is that in spite of the right wing crowing about a decisive victory, it really wasn't anything like a landslide. A mere 3 percentage points separates the red from the blue, and although it will certainly be a tough 4 years for Democrats, 3 points can be erased during that time. I'm betting that if W continues on his present course he'll do such damage to the United States that even his supporters will take notice and be forced to try to turn the ship around next election. Click here for Jesusland

29 October 2004

City of God

Most of us have a short list of favourite books, tv shows, 'albums', and films, and I'm no different in hat regard - I have a list of Desert Island CDs that changes only slightly over time, a somewhat shorter list of tv shows worth watching, and a lengthy list of readable books. My film list includes a bunch of art films I saw in film school, but it also includes 3-5 'pop' films that I can watch over and over and still enjoy every time. That list: The Matrix (first installment only), Fight Club, anything Monty Python, and Trainspotting.

It's time to add another film to the list, although having seen it only once it can only be a provisional addition. The film is City of God, directed by Fernando Meirelles, and it's brilliant. Set in the slums of Rio de Janeiro and loosely based on fact, it follows the lives of the 'hoods' of the slums from boyhood to adulthood through the eyes of Rocket, who went on to become a photojournalist. The story is riveting, but the way the film is made is so stylish and so arresting - it's a real jaw-dropper. I hesitate to say it's Tarantino-esque, because it blows away pretty much his entire catalogue, but there are some similarities. Well worth watching, folks.

Rating: out of 5

18 October 2004

Rall Rules

One of the best cartoonists currently documenting the current unsettled state of the 'States these days is Ted Rall. His cartoons are like cruise missiles aimed squarely at the Bush administration, and unlike the real thing they seem never to miss their mark.

He can also write, however, and i just found this gem recently; he sums up the schizoid nature of life/politics in Amerika perfectly. Here's a brief excerpt:

Republicans, who view George W. Bush as a commander in chief leading the empire into dangerous battles abroad against hostile savages, equate him with the nation itself. "Why do you hate America?" they reply to his critics. Liberals, who view presidents as taxpayer-funded employees, are inherently hostile to the notion that any one man can be the embodiment of a democratic America. They roll their eyes at what they believe to be a cheap rhetorical device although, in fact, the conservatives are dead serious about the question.

Click here for the whole thing (this week only), or click here for Ted Rall online.

17 October 2004

Level 42(.2)

Completed my first marathon today, a lovely 42.2 km stroll around the city while enjoying some fine and, er, interesting weather. Because you don't want to get lulled into a sense of complacency on a long run, oh no. It's good to have gale force winds to fight against now and then. It's swell to have rain lashing you from time to time, and you certainly don't want the temperature to climb above 5 degrees celsius. That would just be wrong.

Thanks to Maurice for the assist - my time would definitely have been less respectable had I been on my own out there. Oh, a 3:37.

13 October 2004

The Man With the Thorn in His Side

Prime concert-going years for most people are in their teens and 20s, but as one gets further away from those years, one tends to choose one's concerts with greater discretion. No more sitting half a mile from the stage listening to swampy arena sound systems, no more herding into too-large venues with tens of thousands of other concertgoers, and no more wasting time on acts you're only half interested in to begin with. The mature concertgoer will accept only the right combination of venue (small to medium) and artist (the brilliant, the classic, or the rarely-touring) or it's a no go.

Last night's Morrissey show at the Hummingbird Centre was all of the above. Though the HC is not exactly intimate, the sound is good and the sightlines are perfect from most seats. And Mr. Morrissey qualifies on all three counts - brilliant, classic, and not seen on the road for some years now.

Aside from being in excellent voice and exuding his trademark fey charm, Morrissey seemed genuinely to be in great spirits, sweetly tolerating the steady stream of admirers who insisted on clambering onto the stage to touch or kiss their idol. There were even a few of those perfect concert moments, for me at least, when you realize you're seeing something special and that you're priveleged to be there. Time compresses, awareness is heightened, and the universe seems to snap into perfect alignment just for few seconds. There were a few of those last night.

Highlites: How Soon is Now (an unexpected gift), Now My Heart is Full (beautiful and tragic, a perfect distillation of the Morrissey oevre), I Have Forgiven Jesus (only Morrissey could pull off a song with a title like that). Rating (out of 5):

10 October 2004

The Ride

For the past couple of years I've been hearing tales of a weekly bike ride, a big group that rides north from the city up into the 905 every saturday and sunday. "Hammer heads" the rumours said. "Hard core roadies who don't tolerate pretenders" and "leave your tri-bars at home" went the stories. Last week I was in my LBS (local bike shop) killing some time talking to the owners, a couple of guys from somewhere in the Caribbean, when they asked if I wanted to ride with them on sunday. A big ride up into King City and back. "Anyone can come, mon, it's a good ride" they said. "Just be at [rendezvous point blacked out for security purposes] before 9 in tha mornin'. The Ride leaves right at 9 sharp".

The Ride. This was it, the ride all the legends spoke of! So this morning I got up, got on the Cervelo and set off into the crisp morning air to see what was what. A few guys were hanging around the [name deleted for security purposes] coffee shop when I arrived, but I was too nervous to make much conversation. Sure enough, right at 9 we were off, with about 30 riders of varying ages snapping into their pedals and pushing off. I noticed more than a few club jerseys in the bunch, a sure sign of a high-calibre ride. After about 5 kilomtres we deked through a residential neighbourhood before picking up another group of about 30, who were obviously expecting us. By the time we hit Sheppard Avenue were were at least 75 riders strong and the pace was picking up slightly. "This is easy" I thought. "No big deal". Eventually we left the city behind and began heading north and straight into a vicious headwind. At that point I noticed I was near the back of the pack...

In about 10 minutes we were well clear of the city and now the pace was really picking up. In fact it was all I could do to hang on the back of the main peloton (about a dozen or so riders had already been blown out the back, but I was still pushing to stay with the group) and it wasn't that long before it was more than I could do. All I could do was watch the rest of the riders disappear over the horizon... ok, not quite that dramatic. I hooked up with a few other guys and made it to the next checkpoint, a coffee shop somewhere in King City.

A quick coffee and a plain donut later, we were back on the road and soon heading south, downhill off the moraine and with a stiff breeze at our backs. I was with a grouip of about 25-30, which I thought I could keep up with now that the headwind was gone. Wrong. At some predetermined point indiscernible to me they all jumped on the gas and started hammering. I stayed with them for a while, but I remember looking down at my computer and seeing 52kmh, and then seeing the riders at the front of the pack pulling away. Jeez. At least by this time the weather had warmed up, the sun was out, and it was a fine day to be out on the bike. I cruised into town with about 8 other guys, talking bikes and enjoying one of the last warm days of the year. A humbling experience to be sure, but I'll be back. Maybe next spring...

9 October 2004

Resumé for Dubya

W.Hello. My name is George Bush and I'm running for President. Please consider my qualifications as set forth in the following resume.

 

 

 

6 October 2004

Green Bin Laden

We took delivery today of our spiff new City of Toronto Green Bin, which is supposed to now be the repository of all thangs stanky that we woud otherwise plunk into the regular garbage or burn in the firepit out back. So now we have a Blue Box (cans & bottles for recycling) a Grey Bin (for paper products), craft paper bags for yard waste, and a Green Bin, soon to be laden with coffee grounds, eggshells, cat food, and soiled moist towelettes.

I've blocked out 3 hours per week for refuse sorting, and have started to comit to memory the various rules about what shite goes into what bin. It's all very confusing, but not nearly as confusing as it's going to get once this bin thing reaches full deployment. Rumour has it that the city is planning several more bins for our receycling needs:

Yes, a glorious future awaits us all here in Hogtown. Don't forget to buy some rubber gloves.

3 October 2004

A Small Victory for Humankind

Anyone catch the U.S. Presidential debate on thursday? Senator Kerry definitely proved himself the higher primate, handily crushing the simian George W Bush over the 90 minute debate. Bush could only respond to Kerry's attacks by repeating, sometimes at bizarrely innappropriate moments, his 'talking points'. He stammered, he sputtered, he went into total brain lock on at least one occasion, and generally looked like a monkey caught in Kerry's headlights.

I'm not the first to say it, but of course the real question is just how much influence on the election the debate (and the next 2) will have.There is a hard core of Bush supporters in the 'States who seem to vote with their bibles and not their brains, and since Bush claims to be a Christian that's good enough for them. Never mind that he hasn't demonstrated a single Christian trait in 4 years in office or during his time as Governor of Texas before that - he tells the bible belters with a straight face that he's a man of faith and they all just nod like Stepford voters. Makes one wonder about the democratic system itself when so many stupid people can be so easily manipulated by unscrupulous politicians and their equally unscrupulous backers.

Anyway, it was heartening to see Bush trounced by an obviously superior being. I just hope enough Americans saw what I saw last thursday to really think about what their vote will mean on November 2.

27 September 2004

Don't Panic

Fans of Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy "trilogy" will be pleased to hear that the long-awaited full-length movie version of the books will finally make it to the screen sometime in the summer of 2005. I learned of this encouraging news today in the Globe and Mail, which only makes me wonder once again "why does the Toronto Star exist"? There's a brilliant teaser available here plus a slew of neat tribute sites for your towelling pleasure:

Of course there's a truckload of other Douglas Adams stuff on the web. Just Google it.

19 September 2004

Cat Turds in the Moonlight...

For a brilliant essay on the American Republican party and how it is currently wreaking havoc on the United States, please read We're Not in Lake Wobegon Anymore by Garrison Keiller. As Mr. Keiller says,

Rich ironies abound! Lies pop up like toadstools in the forest! Wild swine crowd round the public trough! Outrageous gerrymandering! Pocket lining on a massive scale! Paid lobbyists sit in committee rooms and write legislation to alleviate the suffering of billionaires! Hypocrisies shine like cat turds in the moonlight!

It's a good read, but not for those easily frightened. With 2 months to go before the US election it looks like they're set to give the bastards another four years. It boggles the mind.

16 September 2004

Raccoons 4, Goldfish 0

We don't get much in the way of wildlife here in the Big City - squirrels, mice, birds, the occasional fox. I once saw a deer while running in the Don Valley, but that's really rare. What we do get a lot of are raccoons. Filthy, sneaky, destructive raccoons. They tear up your garbage if you don't encase it in rebar concrete, they dig up your lawn looking for grubs, they damage your roof looking for a place to set up house, and if you have some fish living in a little pond in your backyard, they'll poach them too. Two weeks ago we had four healthy goldfish out back, and then we had two, and now we have none. This in spite of covering the pond after the first attack in enough chicken wire and 2x4s to start a poultry farm. If anyone knows of any way to stop a raccoon from, well, raccooning, please let me know. I'm thinking electrified fence for next year. Or maybe a piranha...

6 September 2004

A Half and a Hole

Two, count 'em, two, noteworthy events this Labour Day Weekend. First and foremost was the Ottawa Half Ironman on saturday. This was the first tri of this distance attempted by YHN, and even though the course was flatter than a drive through Saskatchewan I still feel pretty good about my 5:18. One thing about the long races is that the competition is a lot tougher than the sprints. My efforts netted me only a slightly better than middle of the pack finish, well behind what I'm used to in the sprint distance races. Still, it was a blast. No major breakdowns, and in fact my legs felt pleased to be running after 90k on the bike, something I hadn't expected. If you're going to travel to faraway cities to race, you may as well make the race a long one.

Thanks again to the Ottawa crew for playing host(esses) to D. and me, although as a race preparation let me just say that I wouldn't actually recommend staying out at the bars until 2am two nights before the race.

The second and most fore noteworthy event? A hole-in-one on the golf course today. Just out goofing around at Dentonia with B. and trying to enjoy a very slow round behind the four worst golfers I've ever played behind, and then on the 16th hole an easy 9 iron onto the green and I lose sight of the ball. We were playing into the sun so I thought maybe it had just landed behind the flag, but I said to one of the kids we were paired up with "I think that may have gone in the hole". He takes off running to the green, looks into the cup and raises both arms in victory! I think he was more excited than I was. Pretty funny, and of course mostly luck, but what the heck. High fives all around.

29 August 2004

Fabio Lite

On March 30, 1999, flaxen-haired supermodel and sometime romance novel cover 'boy' Fabio was riding the new Appollo's Chariot rollercoaster in Williamsburg VA, as part of a promotional appearance for the park. During one of the coaster's high speed descents, Mr. Fabio ran face-first into a goose, killing the bird outright, bloodying his own beak and no doubt giving onlookers a good laugh.

On August 28, 2004, your humble narrator was out for quick after-work bike ride when he was struck right between the eyes by a wasp or somesuch nasty stinging insect. In a split second the little bastard had his ass-stabber into me, giving me instant swelling and a headache that lasted for about half an hour. It was a lot like getting hit between the eyes with a rock. Not nice.

Regular readers may remember a similar incident last summer(?) wherein I related the tale of being stung while out riding, my first sting ever. At the time I remarked that if you're allergic it's the second sting that kills you, not the first. Since I'm writing this the day after, I won't be giving anything away by telling you I didn't keel over dead last night, but I was mildly concerned for a while - swelling + headache + nasal congestion + shortness of breath (ok, that part was on the way back up Bluffers Park hill) = some cause for alarm.

Here I am next day however, none the worse for wear. Although I did wake up this morning looking like one of those cheap-ass aliens with the funny noses on Star Trek TNG.

Always wear your goggles on the bike, kids. Trust me.

20 August 2004

A Beautiful Ride

Last week Globe & Mail columnist Russell Smith talked about finding the beauty in human-made objects and artifacts, in spite of being constantly surrounded by an often ugly urban environment. It was one of his better columns - he's sometimes a bit of a nancy-boy with the odes to Euro-style and fancy shirts and whatnot, but this one was spot on. The Gist: you have to pay attention to things or you're apt to miss out on those fleeting moments when you come across something so fine, so transcendantly beautiful that you have to stand there slack jawed, gob-smacked by the beauty of it all. This week, Smith says in his follow-up column, where he invites readers to send him their examples of Beatiful Things

My point was not only that things are cool, or that contemporary life, for all its visual pollution (indeed, because of it) is full of stunning sights, but also that we tend to discuss the aesthetic failings of things more than we register their brilliance.

Uh huh. Anyway, he invited us readers to tell him what we though was beautiful, so of course I sent him a photo of the Cervelo (see the link in the right-hand menu below) with a little description. And doesn't Mr. Smith go and include it in his column this week, astute man that he is. He paraphrased me, but that's ok. Sayeth he: "Jeff McCartney sent me a picture of his wicked new bicycle (a Cervelo)." Indeed. Although I believe my own words were "fucking georgeous" or some such thing. To read the whole piece, click here.

19 August 2004

Campy vs Dura Ace

For bike riders, the equivalent of the Windows vs Mac debate is the Shimano vs Campagnolo faceoff. Shimano has the lion's share of the market for roadies, while Campy has it's fierce defenders, much like Mac fans. I just found a nice article on slowtwitch.com that (sort of) settles the debate, at least for Chorus/Record vs Dura Ace. Warning: may induce drowsiness in non bike geeks. It's slightly dated, since at the time it was written Shimano had yet to come out with their 10 speed cogs, but you get the idea. Here you go.

16 August 2004

Hearing Things

There comes a point in every race when you begin to question your own sanity. A small voice from somewhere inside inevitably makes itself heard, most often during the Run portion of the show. The small voice always says the same thing: "Stop. Stop now. Stop right now, you fool, this is madness. Why are you enduring this pain when you could simply stop running and go get a cold beer? Look, there's a pub right over there." It might also say something like "This is the last time you will ever do this, do you hear me?" or something along those lines.

I heard the voice again this past sunday in Cobourg, and this time it was also telling me that my plans to do a half-ironman should be scrapped at once. "You idiot" it said "What makes you think you can do a half when you're suffering like a dog in this short race?" Of course I ignored the voice as usual and finished the race, so for now at least the half is still a go, but it was touch and go for a few minutes there. Besides, I wasn't suffering that much.

The Cobourg event was a new one for the Honda series, and unlike some of their other efforts this was not a total f**kup from the organizational end of things. It all went smoothly, the weather cooperated, and the course was a good one. Flat water for the swim, a very tough bike, and a nice flat run for the finish. You can't ask for more than that. Unless it's to finish ahead of your good friend D. who always beats you in every race you've ever done together. But I would never ask for that.

9 August 2004

A Lower Canada Holiday

Just spent an agreeable five days in Ottawa / the Laurentians, visiting friends and racing in the first tri of the year (for me at least). Some shout-outs are in order:

A cold and rainy saturday thankfully gave way to a clear and not-too-hot sunday for the race, which by rights should be attended by way more than the couple of hundred athletes who made their way to Ste Agathe. The bike course alone is worth the trip, although if you're planning on the 1/2 be ready for some pain. Or so I'm told - I kept to the sprint course, myself, which was still no picinic if you're used to training in southern Ontario. The entire bike course is nothing but one hill after another, which makes it difficult (but not impossible) to enjoy the spectacular views one gets at various points along the course.

It's always a jolt coming home to Tronna after spending any amount of time in more pleasant surroundings. Mountains, lakes and forest do not easily give way to strip malls, highways and smog. So tomorrow I leave behind my beautiful Cervelo to plunge into the noise and filth of the downtown core aboard the commuter tank. Sounds delightful.

26 July 2004

Night Train

No, this is not about my favourite budget aperitif, nor is it a reference to your favourite Guns N Roses song. I spent 30 hours last week riding the rails from Winterpeg to Hogtown, nonstop. VIA Rail provided the wheels, as well as 3 squares a day, which when combined with the enforced lack of exercise, made me feel more than a bit sausage-like upon arrival at Union Station. Some things I learned on the trip:

If you have the time and don't mind spending the spienzas, try the train next time. Here's VIA Rail's website (make sure you take Silver & Blue Class).

15 July 2004

Golf Roundup & Awards Presentation

The past weekend saw 16 of Ontario's finest gentlemen make their way around the Hawkridge GC in Orillia Ontario, in honour of the upcoming marriage of a certain Brian M. to a certain Natalie H. Rather than inflict the standard stag torture on the groom, Steve O. had the brilliant idea of a golf weekend, which he skillfully arranged for everyone.

Here then instead of a run-down of the weekend's events are some of well-deserved awards handed out to participants for their contributions to the fun:

RJ Reynolds Creative Smoking Award aka the "Smokey"

Goes to Guest of Honour Brian M., for his Johnny Depp-like performance on the patio of the Tux II Lounge in downtown Orillia. Weaving to and fro like a cross between Ron Wood and Captain Jack Sparrow, and holding a borrowed fag aloft in the cool night air, Brian outshone all other smokers over the 2 day event.

Sam Gamgee Memorial Award aka the "Sammy"

Goes to Steve O. for his last minute retrieval of his main charge, Brian, from the back seat of an already moving taxi. If not for his quick thinking and steadfast loyalty, Mr. M. would have been whisked away to the Casino Rama, likely to pass out on a roulette table in a pool of vomit. Well done, sir.

The Payne Stewart Memorial Award aka the "Stewey"

Goes to the sartorially resplendent Mr. Steve C., for his brave donning of a chapeau of a style not seen in public since about 1973, and not seen on a golf course since the heyday of golfing style maven Payne Stewart. Also worn by television pimp Huggy Bear in the hit series Starsky and Hutch.

The Young Women's Aesthetic Appreciation Award aka the "Leery"

Goes to Kevin M. for his graceful solo self-insertion into the dance floor at the Tux II Lounge. Second place goes to everyone else.

The Foot Joy Foot Wedge Award aka the "Wedgie"

Goes to Dave S., for his persistent and effective re-positioning of his ball throughout sunday's marathon 5-hour round.

The Bobby Hull Creative Tee Shot Award aka the "Bobby"

Goes to Maurice G., for his slapshot-like form on the tee box. Photographic evidence was required to confirm this year's winner, expertly supplied by the Volvo Canada Teen Video Team. Keep your eye on the internet for more evidence of their video work.

A grand time, to be sure. Well done Mr. O., and congratulations and best wishes Mr. M.

13 July 2004

Holmes on Homes' Holmes Homes in on Our Home, Now Our Homey

Television uber-tradesman Mike Holmes was at our place last night. No, we aren't suffering through some renovation horror story, so he wasn't there with the tv crew to shoot A Nightmare on Our Street. The Missus won le Grande Prix at an Amnesty International rave-up some weeks back, which included not only a kickass DeWalt cordless drill, but a couple hours of time & advice from the man hisself, Mike Holmes.

Turns out he's a swell guy. He and his daughter / assistant hung out in our wee back yard and we drank a few beers and shot the breeze for quite a while. They even stayed for a Chinese takeaway dinner from the venerable Donlands Gardens. A good time was had by all, I believe.

So watch the show, it's on HGTV on wednesday nights. It's already a huge hit, but if you haven't seen it yet it's pretty good. Not like those fey decorating 'challenge' shows, H on H is more of a manly man show, with real power tools and everything.

1 July 2004

Canada Day

A particularly happy Canada Day this year, as we get to celebrate it without Regressive Conservative Party Fuhrer Steven "I get my hair cut at H&R Block" Harper sitting in the big chair in Ottawa. All those Tory votes that were supposed to bring down the Liberals this time failed to show up when it counted, so the Angrey White Men of the West will just have to wait a while longer to get their shot at running the show. I guess they'll just have to wait until the majority of Canadians lose their minds, or forget how to read, or start thinking that right wing religious fundamentalism is the way to go in this country. Hey, look at the magic that recipe has worked in the 'States. Should be good enough for us too, right? Riiight.

On a related note, Liberal flunky Dennis Mills was finally ousted from his long-time seat here in this riding by NDP posterboy Jack Layton. I'm no fan of Smilin' Jack, but Mills' ridiculous waterfront 'plan' for Toronto was so insulting as to be reason enough to kick his ass out of office. Maybe this minority gov't situation will be enough of a jolt for the Liberals that they actually start delivering something substantial to the folks here in Toronto. After all, it's us who keep voting them in election after election, right? Riiiight.

28 June 2004

I just think this is funny. Maybe you do too.

27 June 2004

Top 100 Albums of the 1970s

Pitchfork Media is one of the sharpest music news sites on the web - I visit often for updates on who's touring, releasing new material, breaking up or whatever. They've compiled this brilliant list of the top 100 albums of the 70s, each with an incisive and well-written (and well-informed) review. Well worth a look, especially if you were of album-buying age during that decade.

23 June 2004

Harperville, USA

I was pondering (as is my wont) about what might be a good, succinct reason for not voting for the ConservativeAllianceReform Party in the upcoming election. How to state simply and clearly the reasons for my uneasiness with Mr. Harper & Co.? I finally decided that of all the problems I had with the ConservativeAllianceReform Party platform, the one that loomed the largest was the sense that what they really want to do is to make Canada more like the U.S. Is that what Canadians really want? I don't think so.

But why take my word for it? I found this 'open letter' in the paid ad section of Google when I did a search for Stephen Harper. I also found that Mr Harper is a " tap dancer, teacher and choreographer" ! And he's from Brazil! Wow! Wait 'til the province of Alberta hears about this!

20 June 2004

Rideau Lakes Cycle Tour 2004

The tour is over for another year, but the photos live on. Click right here for this year's snaps.

14 June 2004

Street Cred

So today I'm pedalling to work on the #2 bike, the Marinoni. This is not my usual commuter, but since my ass was still suffering from "Memories of Rideau" (360km of cycling in 2 days, in case you were getting the wrong picture there) I couldn't face the granite-like saddle of Winnie the Peugot for my morning ride. So i make a nifty semi-legal move down the sidewalk on Jarvis to avoid a red, then cut across 4 lanes to get to the southbound curb lane. As I'm drifting over, I spot a bike courier giving my rig the once over. He looks the bike up and down, spies my cycling shoes and gear, and nods approvingly. "How ya doin'" I venture, expecting to be righteously snubbed by this hard-core cycling dude. "Aww, great!" he says "Fantastic day!" and opens his arms to the smoggy morning sky. A couple more pleasantries and we go our separate ways.

It's all about the gear, baby. In my regular commuting getup (sneakers and maybe a t-shirt on a warm day) I would have been ignored for sure, but throw in a decent ride and some bike togs and suddenly doors open. Maybe I should have gone to Jet Fuel for a coffee & a smoke on the way to work.

23 May 2004

Atkins Madness

I read the other day that stock prices of Krispy Kreme Donuts have shed half their value this year, wich market analysts have attributed to this current Atkins "low carb" diet fad. Pasta makers and other purveyors of evil carbo-rich foods are also suffering. In spite of the general stupidity (and danger) of the diet it continues to be extremely popular and many food companies are jumping all over it, offering so-called low carb versions of their usual products. I know there are now a couple of low carb beers out there, but they "taste" pretty bland.

The solution? Why, Meat Beers, of course:

Low carbs, with the great taste of meat. Santé!

17 May 2004

Cervélo Super Prodigy

The Bike is finally ready.

I picked up the new Cervelo SP last friday and we spent the weekend getting to know one another. How to describe this beautiful machine? Let's compare it to my various other bikes.

Bike #1: Early 90's hard-tail Phoenix Ditch Pig MTB, used for foul-weather commuting and the famous Fall Bike Ride Classic. Otherwise spends most of its time suspended from the ceiling in the garage.
Nickname: Miss Piggy.
Automobile comparison: mud-spattered US Army Jeep, in poor repair but refusing to die.

Bike #2: Mid 80's vintage Peugot 10-speed, used for fair-weather commuting and occasional late-night rides to the Beaches for pub crawls etc. Weighs more than your mother.
Nickname: Winnie.
Automobile comparison: Lincoln Town Car, circa 1979.

Bike #3: 4 year old Marinoni road bike, aluminum frame, low end Campagnolo components, Ambrosio wheels. A great entry-level road bike. Light, durable, fast and reliable.
Nickname: Mary.
Automobile comparison: Porsche 944 - nice, but you know you want a better one eventually.

Bike #4: The New One. The Red One. The Best One. Possibly the best steel frame on the planet ("If aluminum was so great they'd make steel out of it"), it rides so smoothly it feels like you're hovering over the ground, not riding on it. Shifts perfectly. And did I mention it looks fantastic too?
Nickname: none yet.
Automobile comparison: Ferrari Modena (like I've driven one).

Check the 'Bike Progress' feature over there on the right for a look at the pieces, and watch this space for a shot of the complete bike.

16 May 2004

Cup Fever

really gay trophyNot content with his ho-hum redesign of the AGO, city fathers apparently took it upon themselves to allow Rock Star-chitect Frank Gehry to design the hardware for next fall's World Cup of Hockey. The results are as seen here. I already feel sorry for the poor bastards that win the tourney. They'll have to hoist the thing and look happy doing it, no mean feat for even the finest of thespians, I'll wager, let alone a crew of hockey players. I mean jeez, what was he thinking? It looks like the head table centrepiece at a wedding I went to... in 1986. Apparently they drop-tested the thing, just in case one of the winning players "accidentally" lets it crash to the ice during the post-game whoop-up. Sad to report it emerged unscathed.

So because Franko has a couple of Canadian genes he's all of a sudden qualified to fashion a hockey trophy? Nuh-uh. Every hockey player knows you don't give out fey crap like this for winning it all. League champs get baseball hats, a duffel bag or a t-shirt and a coupon for a couple of free jugs of beer at the local sports bar. C'mon Gehry, get with the program!

11 May 2004

Voter Beware

There's a federal election coming up soon, and today I was struck by the realization that when you cast your vote for your favourite candidate you really don't know all that much about them. Case in point: a former colleague of mine, a person known far and wide as self-centred, mean, arrogant and just plain dumb, is running for office. I won't tell you her name and I won't tell you the riding, but I will tell you she's running for the new Conservatives.

Usually a person's "shortcomings" become known only after they've held public office for a while, but this is the only time I can remember when I knew going in that a candidate truly was unworthy of a vote.

Happy election everyone.

5 May 2004

Fuck You, Walt Disney (Part II)

Whether you agree with Michael Moore's politics or not, or his methods or his hair or just his whole thang, you have to agree that he should be allowed to have his say. America, free speech, all that. Well, no. Seems the venerable Disney Corporation has decided to pull its support for Moore's upcoming film Farenheit 911 because it's critical of the Bush Crime Family and lays out their connection to Saudi oil money.

Disney owns Miramax, which has a deal with Moore to distribute the film. The brownshirts at Disney have decreed that this will not happen. Why? Here's a wee excerpt from today's NY Times article:

A senior Disney executive elaborated that the company had the right to quash Miramax's distribution of films if it deemed their distribution to be against the interests of the company. The executive said Mr. Moore's film is deemed to be against Disney's interests not because of the company's business dealings with the government but because Disney caters to families of all political stripes and believes Mr. Moore's film, which does not have a release date, could alienate many.

Huh? Here's the Times' article that lays out the whole sorry mess.

2 May 2004

Dear America

No, I'm not writing a letter to the United States. Nobody down there would give a damn what a lone Canadian (ie. socialist) had to say about them anyway. I just wanted to point you to a section of Michael Moore's website where you can read some letters from American soldiers currently in Iraq. Sobering stuff, most of it. Click here to read >>.

25 April 2004

Fuck You, Walt Disney

Going to Florida is like going to another planet. I just spent a week in the Orlando / Disney World area of FLA playing golf with 3 friends, and in spite of the overpowering presence of Disney and about a thousand other major corporate brands still managed to have a good time. No mean feat in a "town" (Kissimmee, which is less a town than a collection of restaurants and hotels) that seems designed to mediate every human experience right into the ground.

Fake British pubs, a fake "Old Town", a fake main street inside D World lined with fake clubs offering safe and clean music selections from every popular genre - you'd think it would drive you nuts. To a certain extent it did, but something odd happened on the way to being cynical and disappointed about it all. I had a good time anyway, an outcome due entirely to the group of smashing young fellows I was travelling with. The golfing was as good as golfing ever gets - a weird old-man game that seems more like a psychological torture test than the pleasant pastime it purports to be - the weather was cartoon perfect, and the drinks were cheap and plentiful. Truly a blessed combination.

On the other hand, I hope to never come within a 500 mile radius of Disney World or the Orlando-Kissimmee area ever again.

5 April 2004

The Return of Mr Moz

For all you Morrissey fans out there, and you know who you are, take heart - a new CD is about to be released and a tour is in the works. Sounds like old times if you can go by the song titles. Here are a couple of the most Morissey-like:

Hilarious as usual.

22 March 2004

A Fresh Coat of Arms

Coat of Arms

Behold! The family coat of arms is made ready at last, ready to shine proudly forth from the ramparts of the ancient family abode in Olde East Yorke. Lo, though it be humbly crafted from common pixels using the thrice-since updated CorelDraw 9, it shall stand as a beacon of Goodness and Quality Graphick Design for all to see.

It containeth the following symbols that doth signifye the cardinal activities and interests of the principal residents of our abode:

All on a field of most verdant green, as it is with the estate itself, and writ upon it the phrase "it erat quando hic adveni", which translates roughly into the modern language as "It was like that when we got here".

20 March 2004

Music Reviews

Here, for your dining and dancing pleasure, may I present some short reviews of recent music purchases. That's right, I said purchases; no MPthievery for me. I still get my music the old-fashioned way: I pay for it.

Guided by Voices: Human Amusements at Hourly Rates

Best of GBV If you're at all curious about this band but don't know where in their massive catalogue to begin, this is a good place to dive in. Featuring 32 (!) tunes from their entire career selected by frontman and driving force Robert Pollard, this nice package maintains a steady pace from start to finish. If there's a weak track in here I've yet to find it - this is a great collection. GBV sound like what Pete Townsend wished he'd become, with tight, short, punchy guitar driven rock tunes sung with abandon and verve. Even when the sound is crappy (which it sometimes is) they sound as big as all outdoors, and the tunes that feature smooth production values still can't hide the crackling energy that leaks out of every chord this band plays. A CD that delivers the goods.

Liz Phair: Exile in Guyville

This is not a new release. I've known about it for years but have never come across it until last week at Sam's. How to describe this record? Keith Richards meets Courtney Love? No, that's too kind to Courtney Love. For most of this CD it's Phair and her guitar hammering out nasty, raw, funny, sexy tunes. I've never been able to tolerate the "chick with acoustic guitar" genre - angsty girls with that horrible Sinead-inspired yodel are everywhere these days - but Exile in Guyville buries them all and spits on their collective grave.

Broken Social Scene: You Forgot it in People

These guys are critics darlings right now. A shifting collective of Toronto-area scenesters and refugees from disintegrated bands, BSS do make some pretty neat music, but I'm not sure if they're deserving of some of the effusive praise I've heard & read lately. Odd pop tunes, plying the ground somewhere between Yo La Tengo and and any number of mid-range indie guitarpop bands from the past 10 years. To be fair, I've only just bought it so maybe a few more listens will reveal the genius within...

Preston School of Industry: Monsoon

monsoonComprised mostly of ex-Pavement guitarist Scott Cannberg (aka 'Spiral Stairs') along with guests members of Wilco (presumably on a side-gig), PSI sound like what you'd expect; a collision of those 2 bands. Loose, playful guitar pop with strong undercurrents of country, like a really good band who got together for an afternoon in the recording studio, then ended up drinking too many beers. Like a less sweet sounding Waltons, sort of. But it's no Pavement, for sure. and a half.

16 March 2004

Tooker Gomberg

Tooker Gomberg

Proud to say I voted for this guy in Toronto's second-to-last election, rather than Jackass King Mel Lastman. Kind of an oddball, but someone who stuck to his convictions and who was a breath of fresh air in municipal politics around here when we really needed one.

Looks like he took his own life in Halifax, where he had recently moved. For more information check the Greenspiration website

14 March 2004

Angel of Tod(d)

Todd Bertuzzi"Tod" means "death" in German, so maybe it was inevitable that Todd Bertuzzi would be involved in an altercation that almost resulted in the death of a fellow NHL player. It seems that everyone from Don Cherry on down to Jeanne Beker has an opinion on this, so I may as well weigh in with mine. Here goes:

Hockey, more than any other sport it seems, has the power to turn otherwise respectable men into thugs, goons, and ne'erdo-wells. I've written at length about this before so I won't repeat myself here, but it's a phenomenon that I've seen up close ever since my minor hockey days. There's something about the game that can sometimes cause a shutdown of a player's empathy chip while simultaneously flooding his brain with angry hormones. Or something along those lines. Guys who normally are rational law-abiding citizens can turn in a heartbeat to the sporting equivalent of the Fighting Uruk Hai of Lord of the Rings fame.

uruk hai I'm sure that's what happened to our man Todd last week. Something snapped and his Orc-brain took over, with regrettable consequences all around. Is that an excuse? Absolutely not. We humans have big brains; we have use them to override our most primitive impulses sometimes. If we don't we end up causing pain, injury or death. When that happens, harsh punishment can be the only answer - hugs and kisses and tears don't cut it, however well-meaning.

Mr. Bertuzzi will be out of hockey for the foreseeable future because of his actions, and that's appropriate. One can only hope that other players who find themselves in similar situations will now choose to engage their brains before engaging their fists or sticks. If that happens, then Mr. Bertuzzi will have done the game a favour. I'm not holding my breath, though.

2 March 2004

No Contest

Lots of ballyhoo lately about the federal Liberals and how impossibly corrupt the whole lot of them are, and how this latest scandal is a golden opportunity for the PCs to get back in the political game. A brief up-tick in the polls last week had the Conservatives in a tizzy, visions of sugarplums no doubt dancing in their pointy little heads. However after everyone got a grip on themselves the polls returned more or less to where they were before, and folks out west in Appliance Party Country were once again left to weep and wail and bemoan their political fate.

Let me make a prediction. For as long as the bulk of federal seats reside in Ontario and Quebec, the New Conservatives / Old Alliance will never form the government. Paul Martin could defile a busload of virgins on Parliament Hill and still win the next election. Why? Let's call it the Redneck Factor.

I know that not EVERYONE left of Manitoba is a redneck - there's BC don't forget - but the hardcore Conservatives all seem to hail from the Bible Belt of Alberta. In Ontario, and particularly here in Godless Toronto, the sound of bibles being thumped is the sound of another defeat for the Conservatives. They're trying to tone it down now, but it's way too late. Too many old Alliance Party faithful in the mix means too many right wing 'family values' genes in the Tory pool. Anti-gay, anti-Toronto, anti-abortion, anti-gun-control, the list goes on. Even if they run Toronto native Belinda Stronach, her total lack of political experience will ensure that Daddy's Girl will not be able to get out the conservative vote. No doubt the NCs figure that the Bay Street types here in T-dot will like the smell of a Rich Girl enough to cast a ballot her way, but I predict not.

Chalk up another one for the Liberals, and get that busload of virgins ready to roll.

1 March 2004

My Apologies

Dear Jeremy Roenick,

JR

I'm really sorry about what happened to your face recently. You know, the puck, the broken jaw, the concussion. My bad. You see, the only reason you suffered such a horrific injury is that I picked you in my hockey pool. Yes, that's right, it's my fault. I know you were having a great season and all, and I thought for a while that the near seaon-ending hip injury to Alex Mogilney would be enough to appease the gods of the hockey pool. But no, they had to take you too. It was pre-ordained, I'm afraid. So again, my bad, and I'm really sorry. You had no idea you were playing with the sword of Damocles hanging over your head, but it was inevitable that this would all end badly from the moment I picked you in the draft back in October. I promise, if you make it back for the playoffs I won't pick you for my team, and I hope there are no hard feelings. Now if you'll excuse me I have letters to write to Eric Desjardins and Magnus Arvedson.

17 February 2004

Moo

It's been just over 20 years since I've eaten any red meat (somewhat less time for poultry & fish) and in that time I've put up with all kinds of smart remarks from knuckle-dragging barbecue boys, incredulous stares from disbelieving persons of Eastern European descent, and well-meaning inquiries from puzzled Depression-vintage relatives. I've starved at weddings, banquet halls and bars, and I've survived the trip to Montreal and back countless times on nothing more than Tim Horton's coffee and fresh air. Lately, however, I haven't been fielding the "why are you a vegetarian" question quite as often. Not at all, in fact. Maybe it has something to do with the prevalence of BSE stories in the news these days. Or maybe it's because of the latest Bird Flu scare in Asia, exactly a year after SARS swept the nation on wings of countless dead chickens.

I think it was the BSE thing that did it. The realization that everyone's favourite bovine snack was actually being fed the remains of other ruminants, and that this gruesome meal plan was killing them horribly, may have driven home the idea that maybe, just maybe, eating the remains of ruminants wasn't such a great idea for people either. Hot dog anyone?

10 February 2004

Clean as a Whistle

Until today, this page has been blocked, blacklisted, shunned by the Ontario Public Service Naughty Word Filter. I could not look at my own website from my desk at work, I am assuming because of the presence of a Very Bad Word in the Year End Review section of my 2003 roundup. Now that I've removed the reference to this certain sexual act, I'm hoping to get my site off the OPS shit list. Oops.

7 February 2004

Jump Around: Non-Linear Navigation Using Access Keys

For web designers and other assorted tech nerds only.

This is a technique I developed with assistance from CSS Meister Stuart Robertson. It allows people who cannot or who do not use a mouse to navigate through websites that employ the popular flyout or dropdown menu system. Through a combination of CSS, Javascript and the Access Key technique you can make your nested menus navigable via keystroke as well as via mouse. Read the article >>

6 February 2004

penguin batting practice

Penguin Batting Practice

As promised, here is a link to the now world famous Penguin Batting Practice game. There are a bunch of these out there, so if you can't get to this one just Google it.

No penguins were actually harmed during the making of this game, I'm pretty sure.

 

 

2 February 2004

Big Sugar, Big Money

In spite of our oversized monkey brains, we humans have never been known for thinking clearly or rationally about the things that are often central to how we live. Religion, for instance, is able to survive and thrive on a deliberate lack of rational thought on the part of its followers. Humans go into cerebral arrest over other things too, like money, sex or politics, but lately I've been coming around to the conclusion that the thing that is best able to block our ability to think rationally is food. There has never been more publically available information about nutrition than there is right now, and yet most of us continue to ignore it. The science behind food is relatively simple and pretty well known by now, but the number of obese people in the west has been rising steadily for years. Why?

I've always thought that we should take personal responsibility for what goes into our mouths, but after reading a piece in the New York Times today, I started to wonder if maybe there are other factors at play. The World Health Organization (WHO - or as Mel Lastman once put it, "who?") recently drafted a "global strategy on diet, physical activity and health" according to the NYT article. Here's a brief quote:

the strategy calls for more physical activity, a reduction in sugars, fats and salt and an increase in fresh fruit, whole grains, legumes and nuts. In other words, exactly what your doctor would recommend if you asked how to lose weight and improve your health.

Pretty simple, huh? And pretty sensible too. But not if you're the Sugar Association. That's right, the Sugar Association. Incredibly, they've kicked up a fuss over this, and because they're big $$ contributors to US political parties they have some clout. The inescapable conclusion from all this is that obesity is profitable. Not such a stretch, really is it? Hardly surprising that McDonalds, Kellogs, and all the other mega-food corporations that keep our supermarkets stocked with food of questionable nutritional value would feel threatened by an authority like the WHO telling people to wise up and stop eating like lobotomized chimps. It may not be surprising, but it is kind of unsettling to think of ourselves being literally farmed by Big Food - hosing calories and cholesterol into the collective North American pie-hole, and vacuuming cash out of our pockets at the same time.

Click here to read the article, and then the next time you're watching tv make a note of how many ads there are for healthy foods versus unhealthy foods. And before you order a big greasy burger with supersize fries for lunch next time, try to engage the rational part of your oversize monkey brain and ask yourself if you really want it, or if maybe you're just eating what you're being told to eat.

25 January 2004

The Queen Haters Are Dead

Mr. John Lydon, Esq.

In case you needed any further proof that punk was dead, the latest news from Merry Olde England is that John Lydon, aka Sex Pistols mossy-toothed frontman Johnny Rotten, will be appearing (as himself) in a British game/reality show called I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here! (click here to read the story)

Why anyone would need further proof of punk's demise is a bit of a mystery to me, since punk - the real punk movement, not the MTV-tinged powerpop currently masquerading as punk music - peaked back in the late 70's. You can debate all night over the actual time of death, with Lynn Crosbie of the Globe & Mail claiming that it was "the precise moment The Clash recorded Rock the Casbah", while some say it was when Sid Vicious made his exit from the scene. Myself, I'm not sure when punk actually died, but I'm pretty sure that it's rotting corpse was finally buried when Lydon got his teeth fixed, formally removing himself from his place of honour in the Big Book of British Smiles.

So now he's just another pathetic has-been, a D-list celeb grasping at a shot at a little more time in the limelight, eh? Could be worse, though. He could be grovelling at the feet of the Queen like that other old fart Mick Jagger, tugging his forelock while accepting his OBE. I have a feeling that Sid, were he still alive, would be just as disgusted with JR's latest venture as Keith Richards was with Jagger, er, Sir Mick - he and Keef would no doubt be sharing a pint somewhere right now, lamenting the state of the world. No future indeed.

22 January 2004

We've Got a File on You

cia world factbook cover

I just found this site today. It's the World Factbook, a site maintained by the CIA (yes, that CIA). It contains general information about every country on earth, some of which may surprise you. Read what it says about Canada, under Disputes - International:

illicit producer of cannabis for the domestic drug market; use of hydroponics technology permits growers to plant large quantities of high-quality marijuana indoors; transit point for heroin and cocaine entering the US market; vulnerable to narcotics money laundering because of its mature financial services sector.

And check out our import-export stats:

A lot of this stuff is sort of dry, but every now and then you find something you didn't know before. For instance, did you know that Australia "asserts a territorial claim to Antarctica and to its continental shelf"? I had no idea! Bloody Aussies.

It's actually a pretty good resource - lots of good quality maps, charts and other goodies, although still nothing about who killed JFK.

18 January 2004

Short Back & Sides

God help me, it's about time for another haircut. Women claim to go through some special kind of agony over hair and the cutting and styling thereof, but fellas, we know it's true; we ain't got it any easier.

Now if you're a strictly Old School type, you can always go to your local Tony & Joe franchise for a nice Ward Cleaver. The kind of place with yellowing shots of semi-greaser guys in the window, an authentic barber pole outside and lots of red leather upholstery. Do the barbers there speak English? Who knows? Who really cares? Talk is cheap my friend, and time is money so just siddown, shaddap and take it like a man.

If you prefer something a little less... traditional, you can try the local "hairstylist". This may or may not involve having your hair washed (like you're too much of a slob to do that yourself before you show up) and may or may not involve a woman doing the stylin'. I've had good results when women cut my hair, so no problem there. A woman will at least have some vague idea about what kind of lid looks good on a man, so right off the bat you're ahead of option #1 where Tony (or if you're unlucky and Tony is busy, Joe) thinks all men should look like marines from WWII.

The last time I went for a snip, I took the plunge and threw over my regular stylist slash barber for a full-on Expensive Haircut. I was going to the same place for about 3 years, James Gang in the Beaches. Good music playing, straight guys cutting your hair, chatty women drinking wine at 10 am on a saturday morning - not a bad place. My guy left though, and took his chair down to some Old Lady place further east. I can deal with that, but the last time I went he just seemed kind of ... distracted. Personal issues getting in the way of providing the paying customer (me) with the best hair styling experience. Whatever. So I went to Civellos, an upscale Salon favoured by Rosedale trophy wives, media players, and the missus.

The good news is I was happy as a clam with the swank haircut I got there. The bad news is that the whole Civellos experience is not very Man Friendly. I know you have to wear a smock thingy when you get your hair snipped, but does it have to be a sweeping burgundy number with a gold monogram and trim? And do I have to parade through the entire establishment wearing it prior to the actual cutting of the hair? The scalp massage was ok, but I coulda done without it. The neck and shoulder massage probably looks good in the brochure, but when delivered by a slight young woman with all the hand strength of newborn infant it seems a bit pointless. And I'm sure they have other male clients there, but I'm guessing they're as rare as intelligent beings in the cosmos. They exist, but you're chances of bumping into one on any given day are vanishingly small.

So my dilemna is this: do I bite the bullet and endure the foo-foo atmosphere of another Civellos visit in order to secure a quality haircut? Or do I look for another venue, something a little more Tony & Joe but without the time-warp effect? Suggestions, as always, are welcome.

14 January 2004

Human Soup

No, this is not a recipe. I just wanted to note that exactly one day after one of my very infrequent trips to work on the TTC, I've come down with some kind of sickness. This confirms my suspicion that even the worst day of commuting by bike, no matter what the weather, is better than a dunk in the human soup that is the TTC subway during rush hour. Disgusting.

12 January 2004

George n' Pals

South of the border our friends on the left, or as we like to say "our friends with brains" are doing their darndest to git that Bush out tha White House. If you've got a high speed connection you should visit www.bushin30seconds.org, and no that's not a tribute to Bill Clinton. The folks at www.moveon.org held a contest asking clear-thinking Americans to put together a 30 second tv spot that would "highlight" some of the good things Dubya's been up to since taking office. The winners are assembled here. It's worth a look.

31 December 2003

Rapport de Fin du Anneé

Well, it's a wrap. We've lived through another year without being invaded by the American Imperialist Freedom Forces, although the way the water table is dropping south of the border we may not be making that claim again this time next year. Oil? Ick. It's water that's the real gold.

Some personal highlites of 2003:

News highlites:

Safe Predictions for 2004:

Unlikely Predictions for 2004

Music Report

Here's my take on some of the music, new and otherwise, that found it's way into my playlist this year.

David Bowie, Reality. Crap is more like it. A disappointing followup to last year's excellent Heathen.

Flaming Lips, Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots. A quirky and beautiful record. You buy now!

Guided By Voices. I started buying GBV stuff in earnest this year, although I would need a backhoe to acquire their entire back catalog. GBV leader Robert Pollard is what Pete Townsend might have been. Prolific to the point of overkill, he cranks out a career's worth of pop-rock gems every year. Click here for an mp3 of My Kind of Soldier, from 2004's Earthquake Glue.

Johnny Marr and the Healers, Boomslang. This is a great CD. Harder hitting than anything from his Smiths days, it sounds great in the car, turned up to 11. Makes Oasis sound like the tossers they are and always have been.

The Dandy Warhols, Welcome to the Monkey House. Cooler than cool, this is the CD you want to be seen listening to. Terribly clever pop tunes, really, terribly clever.

Rufus Wainright, Want 1. You don't want this one, sorry. He's apparently decided to clean up his act, but it seems like Rufus' new lifestyle isn't as conducive to brilliant songwriting as his old one was. Bring back the booze, the drugs, the debauchery, the anonymous sodomy, whatever it takes to bring back the tunes, my friend. And please do it soon before you start writing all show tunes, all the time. Until then I'll keep listening to Poses.

Honourable mention: White Stripes, Elephant; Delerium, Chimera; Blur, Think Tank; Lucinda Williams, World Without Tears; Massive Attack, 100th Window.

Readin' Report

God help me I'm still plowing through Neal Stephenson's Quicksilver, and I'm still waiting for something to happen. Page 4-oh-something and I haven't even been introduced to the main character yet. NS writes some lovely prose, but he could really use an editor. I'll let you know how it turns out.

Some books I actually finished in 2003:

All right sports fans, as I said at the top of the page, that's a wrap. Best of everything to everyone in 2004.