Date

Time

Opponents

Results

Regular Season

1-7 [report]

5-2 [report]

5-2 [report]

5-5 [report]

1-5 [report]

4-5 [report]

2-4 [report]

3-10 [report]

2-7 [report]

3-8 [report]

3-8 [report]

2-2 [report]

2-7 [report]

8-4 [no report]

4-2 [report]

2-4

Feb 4

8:30

Warriors

2-something [report]

Playoffs

Feb 11

8:30

Wyse Guys

1-6 [report] 0 pts

Feb 18

8:30

Warriors

7-2 [report] 4.5 pts

Feb 25

8:30

Bloor Battlers

7-3 [report] 5.0 pts

Mar 3

9:50

Wyse Guys

6-3 [report] 3.5 pts

Mar 10

9:50

Warriors

2-2 [report] 2.5 pts

Mar 17

9:50

Bloor Battlers

3-4 [report] 1.0 pts

Mar 24

8:30

Wyse Guys

2-5 [report]

<< back to main site

Reports:

October 1 : A Rough Start

It's early in the season, so even though Black put in a sub-par effort tonight nobody is too worried. All signs point to better things to come.

October 8 : Aces Whack Warriors

With a defense corps decimated by low turnout, the Black Aces were forced to call up 2 rookies from the farm team (actually one player each from the Bloor Battlers and Wyse Guys) for tonight's tilt. The new guys didn't upset the fine balance of the Aces' squad and the blackshirts skated to a comfortable 5-2 win over the struggling Warriors, a team who's depth chart could probably use a little more... depth. The Twin Towers (#s 5 and 77) were a force all night but in the end could not do enough to secure a victory against a determined Aces team.

A Very Odd Hat-trick from your humble scribe led the way (thanks to some nice set-up work from linemate Brian McCabe on 2 of the 3 markers, and some shoddy goaltending on the 3rd) with player-owner Aubrey Spring potting 2 more for good measure.

Greg was outstanding between the pipes once again, with several remarkable saves at timely moments. We'll be sending the footage to TSN for inclusion in the Plays of the Week.

A solid effort after last week's disappointing results should set us up for next week's match against the Blueshirts.

October 15 : Aces Belittle Battlers

The Bloor Battlers could do nothing in the face of last nights total team
effort from the Black Aces, falling once again to a team that, on paper at
least, they should be handling with relative ease.

Crisp passing and a fast transition game were the keys to the victory for
the home squad, along with some solid D and timely saves between the pipes.
The big line of Dave, Brian and Barrie did all the scoring, with 2 each for
Dave and Barrie plus a single for Brian. The boys had the Battlers' keeper
figured out pretty early, with the majority of the markers finding the top
half of the net.

Man of the Match honours should go to Bruce, who carried on in spite of
illness and put in a solid game on the second line.

October 22 : Aces 5 Wyse Guys 5

Rebounding nicely from a drubbing at the hands of the evil red team last
time out, the Aces put together a solid effort wire to wire tonight,
out-hustling the Wyse Guys for a 5-all tie. An early flurry from the reds
got them out to a 2-0 lead, but the blackshirts would not fold. The Aces
scrambled back into the game, leading at one time 4-3, and trailing 5-4 late
in the match. Once again it was a 'spirited' game, with WG fan favourite 55
going off his meds again and making an attempt to separate Neil's head from
his shoulders. The refs could have assessed 15 yards for a face-mask
infraction but instead opted for a major and a match penalty. A lengthy
power play resulted in a goal for the black team and a renewed determination
from the reds to put the game away. No such luck. Greg held his ground
between the pipes, everyone settled into a solid groove and Aces skated away
with a hard-earned point.

Scoring: two for Dave, one for Len (the tying goal), one for Richard and one
for Jeff.

October 29 : Warriors 5, Aces 1

all our shots go wide
white team laughs as we stumble
and fall on our butts

November 5 : Bloor Battlers 5, Aces 4

TRUANT OFFICERS CALLED IN TO INVESTIGATE PLAYER ABSENCES

After another poor showing team management has called in truant officers who will try to determine the reasons behind poor player turnout.

8 dedicated players + 1 Red team recruit - a green Richard Ward, who we suspect was sickened by Black player apathy, battled the Bloor Battlers but came up 1 goal short, losing 5 to 4.

Goal scorers were Richard (imagine what he could have done had he been 100%), Bruce and Dave.

Management has decided that any player absent from here on in will require a note signed by a parent before being allowed back into the dressing room!!!

- this week's guest updater: Aubrey Spring

November 12 : Wyse Guys 4, Aces 2

A thin bench and a less than stellar effort from the black squad resulted in yet another loss to the Wyse Guys, aka the Detroit Red Wings farm club. In spite of 9/10 of a standout game from rent-a-goalie Steve, the black team could not overcome its own lack of offensive power. With Red controlling most of the play it was, as Agent Smith might say, "inevitable". The score flattered the black side, but there were a couple of highlights: Aubrey's slo-motion goal, and a bewildering face first dive by the aforementioned Steve that resulted in the insurance goal for the red guys. Bottom line: we need a full turnout to be competitive, lads. Enough said.

November 19 - The Skid Continues

What should have been a two pointer for the Aces last night turned into the
latest installment of How Not to Win a Hockey Game, with the white men
skating away with a lopsided victory. Black was once again hobbled by its
MIAs, and could sustain neither attack nor defense for any length of time. A
late 2nd period goal upped the lead to 5-2 and Gareth & Co. never looked
back, sending the score into double digits before the final bell sounded.

Two from Brian and one from Audrey might have been enough on another night,
but it seemed like the Aces were getting into the spirit of Christmas a
little early this year - more giveaways than takeaways meant a very busy
night for Greg.

At the risk of repeating myself (and Aubrey) : this team needs a full
turnout. Key positions unfilled = low probability of a win.

Expressed mathematically, P(v) = 1 / T

where P(v) = Probability of victory and T = Turnout.

Aubrey, you can check my logic on this one.

No Richard, no Dave, no Maurice and no Pat last night was probably the
difference, although Paul Ferris might disagree. He skated rather smugly for
the whites, his trade a penance for his serial truancy this year. Some
punishment!

November 26 - Stealth Mode

Black Ops, Flying Under the Radar, Stealth Mode - call it what you will, but
the Aces long-range plan to emerge as the 'sleeper' team in this year's
playoffs continued its successful run last night. Like an Al Queda sleeper
cell, the boys in black are simply Laying in the Weeds until the moment is
right for them to strike, strike with the deadly force of a black viper at
the evil heart of the Cedarvale Oldtimers league.

We almost put the mission in jeopardy last night, as for the first 2 periods
we played a strong game and kept the score close. If not for Greg 'getting
injured' and being forced to have his left leg amputated midway though the
2nd frame, there's no telling what damage we may have done to our covert
operation.

In the end, we emerged with a 2-7 victory, putting ourselves back on track
for a post-season triumph. A pair of goals by Brian were just enough to
conceal our true objectives, thus allowing us to continue the mission.

Victoria via detrimentum

December 3 - Black Cats Cough Up Another Hairball

Twas 3 weeks before Christmas
And all through the rink
Went the murmurs and whispers -
"That black team - they stink!"
With their helmets on backwards and laces undone,
"They're not here for winning" said more fans than one.
"What's happened to them?" asked another young fan
"To plummet so far in a one year timespan?"
"Last year they were winners of games right and left,
and this year, of points they are almost bereft."
"They need an injection, some new kind of blood
before the whole season becomes one big dud."
So they hired a new guy, of Russian descent
And they put on their skates with some great excitement.
But it wasn't enough to keep back the red team
And they ran out of gas. They ran out of steam.
A third goal was scored, but 'twas too little too late -
By that time the red team had scored number eight.

Area Hockey Team Blames Slide on EDD

Wednesday December 10 saw area hockey team Aubrey's Aces extend their
current losing streak with an 8-3 loss to former sadsacks, the Warriors.
Players from the Aces attribute their recent string of losses to EDD, or Energy
Deficit Disorder.

"Well you know, early in the season we all gave 110% each game, and so now
we have an energy deficit" said player-coach Aubrey Spring. "Our energy
output is down to about 60% now, so it's hard for us to stay in the game for
3 periods."

Other players concurred. "Oh yes, we're in a deficit situation for sure"
said Neil Kozloff, a member of the Aces once-vaunted Legal Defense Team. "In
fact, some nights we can only give 40 or 50 per cent effort. After two
periods, it's lights out."

EDD, say the Aces, is responsible for a host of related conditions such as
NHB (Not Hustling Back), NCP (Not Covering the Point) and the deadly GPA
(Giving the Puck Away). Taken together, these maladies spell trouble for the
Boys in Black and could jeopardize their entire season.

Rumours around the league have it that if the Aces poor play continues, they
could get themselves a 'bye' out of the playoffs, a league first.

Team sources indicate that the Aces are trying to work out a deal to put an
end to the skid.

"We're negotiating a deal with a third party right now" said team financial
expert Brian McCabe "to import some energy from an outside source." When
pressed for details, McCabe would say only that he was "working on the
finances" and would not elaborate.

If a source of outside energy cannot be secured soon, team doctor
Leonard Luksenberg has indicated that the Ace's next step would be to
implement an experimental and highly controversial drug therapy program.
Researchers at the Ferris Institute are developing new drugs that are
designed to "enhance performance" for hockey players in the over-40 age
group. The new pharmaceutical regimen would see team forwards on high doses
of Netafil, a scoring enhancement agent, while the defense corps would be
taking Nopilon, a hormone replacement drug designed to improve lateral mobility.
Goalie Greg Benzi has volunteered to ingest the still untested Stopital in
an effort to improve his save percentage.

League officials could not be reached for comment.

Fathers Day Arrives Early, Aces Get Tie for Christmas

Father's day arrived roughly six months ahead of schedule last night as the Aces hockey team unwrapped a lovely new tie for Christmas. Long regarded as just a Fathers's Day gift, the tie was nevertheless welcome in the Aces camp.

"I was quite happy with the tie" said team astrologer Bruce Harbinson "Even though what I really wanted was the Alien DVD box set". Other Blackshirts were also reported to be satisfied with their tie, coming as it did against a strong Bloor Battlers team. "We'll take it" said team hairstylist Richard Ward "A new snow blower would have been nice, but we'll take it".

The boys in black were bolstered by a bevy of big burly buddies, including the hard-charging Gareth and the smooth-skating Michel, both from the Warriors squad. Warriors goalie Tom rounded out the ringers on the night, putting in a solid performance against the blues.

The regular squad, minus Brian, Dave, Al, Pat, Paul, Neil and Greg, dredged up a solid effort to end the 2003 calendar year, shutting down the Battlers late in the game and allowing Bruce to score his second of the night after the Aces pulled their keeper for the extra man. Exciting? You betcha.

A post game ale at a local public house rounded the night out perfectly, allowing the Aces Drinking Team to celebrate the season and the point in style.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyeux Noel, Happy New Year and so forth.

Jan 7 - Aces Rest Big Guns

Fearing a potential burnout situation, area hockey team Aubrey's Aces rested two of their star players for last night's contest against the arch-rival Wyse Guys squad. With only 3 weeks since their last game, the Aces wanted to ensure that Dave and Ivan were fully recovered before sending them back onto the ice.

Team doctor and spiritual advisor Paul Ferris defended the action, insisting that any premature return to active duty could have resulted in serious injury or even death. "Too much exertion while the body contains even trace amounts of Christmas turkey can be fatal" explained Dr. Ferris. When asked why other, lesser players were required to suit up for last night's game, Ferris merely shrugged and said that those players were "expendable".

The Aces did manage to reach their weekly quota of goals in their 7-2 loss, so the news isn't all bad. Markers from Eh Yew Bee Are Ee Why and Barrie kept the team in the game (sort of) and even though the score doesn't indicate it, goalie Greg Lalonde put in a solid performance. Ian, a ringer airlifted in by team ski instructor Bruce Harbinson, put in a good game on D in spite of having to use a souvenir 'mini stick' due to an equipment mixup.

On the fashion front, the formerly red Wyse Guys are sporting new togs specially designed for them by the boys from the smash hit TV show "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy". Nice look, fellas. What does the "M" stand for?

Jan 21 - Stocks Soar on News of Aces Win Streak

Stock markets around the world responded positively today to the news that Aubrey's Aces have extended their win streak to two consecutive games. Market activity jumped sharply, beginning with a 12 point rise on the London Stock Exchange. International Beer League analyst Nigel Twaddington attributed the uptick to the Aces recent run of success, saying "it's a bit early on, but it looks like the Aces may put together a solid quarter in spite of some mid-season financial uncertainty".

The rally continued on this side of the Atlantic with both the NYSE and TSX showing immediate gains on news of last night's 4-2 win over the Bloor Battlers. "Neil Kozloff's solid performance on D has traders here in an upbeat mood" said New York financial analyst Steve Lapatriot. "And with Greg Lalonde putting in another sharp game between the pipes, I'm surprised we didn't see even more action here".

Here at home, the TSX started strong and stayed that way all day, finishing 11 points higher on the day. Traders were apparently impressed with the feisty play of team Libations Advisor Aubrey Spring, who took his "in your face" style to the Blue shirts all night long. With 3 of the Aces' 4 goals coming from visiting advisors from Team White, the Blackshirts sent notice that they were capable of diversifying their holdings in order to maximize their share of the standings. Canadian stocks rode the injection of good news, enjoying one of their best trading days ever.

Even the news of Pat Madden's imminent departure to join a United Nations Sand Analysis Team in Doha failed to put a dent in the high spirits. Pat promises to monitor the team's progress from his tent in the desert just outside of Ar Rayyan, and is ready to fly home at a moment's notice should the defense corps show signs of impending collapse.

Aces' financial situation did take a small hit, however, as the advisors were not required to pay for their apres-game (non-alcoholic, in case anyone from Toronto Parks & Rec is reading this) beers. Money experts monitoring the team are convinced that this does not represent a major setback, with P/E ratios expected to remain steady in the near term.

February 4 - Aces Wrap Successful Regular Season

Last night the Men in Black wrapped up a hugely successful regular season campaign with another friendly effort against the Warriors. Politeness levels reached an all-time high, as we courteously allowed the Whites access to our goal area, where they were encouraged to take as many shots as possible. This was truly a feel-good effort by the Blackshirts, as they unselfishly boosted the confidence level of their opponents once again. Way to go, guys!

Other signs that the 2003-2004 regular season has been a giant success:

• no limbs were lost due to on-ice industrial accidents
• incidences of spontaneous human combustion remained at near-undetectable levels for the 5th consecutive year
• no man-games were lost to SARS, the Bird Flu, or the SoBig.F computer virus
• no games were attended by Don Cherry

Congratulations, men, and don't forget - playoffs begin next week. Team Hospitality Specialist Richard Ward says he'll be baking a special batch of chocolate brownies for the Wyse Guys, our first playoff opponents. Isn't that nice?

February 11 - Two Out of Three Ain't Bad

The first game of the 2003-2004 playoffs saw the Men in Black play a solid game for 2 periods, holding the formidable Wyse Guys attack to just 2 goals on limited chances. Unfortunately, the playoffs this year will be played under the Official Ice Hockey Rules of 1903, which clearly specify that games will be of 3 periods duration.

Employing the Trap like a fleet of PEI lobstermen, the Aces stuck to their playoff game plan with determination and skill. Some minor breakdowns, however, allowed the opposition to bang in some timely goals and take the game. The final score was not indicative of the game as a whole, as most of the 6 goals were scored late in the third period, 2 while the Aces were on the bench en masse and engaged in a lively debate over the relative merits of equities versus mutual funds in a balanced portfolio.

All in all a worthy effort from everyone, and a sign of good things for the rest of the RRSP season, er, playoffs.

February 18 - Stir Fry Chicken Powers Aces to Big Win

In what may well be their best effort of the season, a fully stocked Aces team handed the Warriors a stunning defeat at Phil White Arena, crushing the whites 7-2. Tied at a deuce each after one, Aces netminder Greg Lalonde stood on his head the rest of the way and shut the door completely.

Asked after the game about his standout performance, Lalonde would only repeat cryptically "stir fry chicken... stir fry chicken" while staring into space. Team doctors are worried that this may be a side-effect of prolonged Stopital usage and will be monitoring the Aces backstop closely until next week's game.

Another steady defensive game from everyone and strict adherence to the trap shut down the Warriors big guns, allowing Ivan and Brian to capitalize on almost every chance they had. Unconfirmed reports have the Bloor Battlers training staff cruising the frozen foods aisle at the Sobeys in Greg's neighbourhood, buying up all available Stouffer's Stir Fry Chicken Entrees.

Consultants Power Aces Victory

In move that opposition players are crying foul over, Aubrey's Aces contined their surprising playoff run last night with a decisive victory over a frustrated Bloor Battlers squad. Using late-season call-ups Ivan and Ian to bolster a lineup that struggled during the regular season, the Aces powered their way past a stunned Blue side in a 7-3 romp, taking all 5 available points.

The two "I"s are currently with the team on temporary consulting contracts, a move that has angered Aces' opposition. "There should be a public enquiry" said Battlers' coach Big Jim McBob "This kind of egregious rulebreaking should not be allowed." Cedarvale rules permit the hiring of consultants for playoff games, as long as they have played a sufficient number of regular season games. Warriors legal advisors are reportedly trying to obtain league records via a Freedom of Information request, but Aces Legal Defense Team Neil and Mike are doing their best to tie up the process until the playoffs are over.

The Blackshirts may have been led by Ivan (3 markers) and Ian (outstanding defensive work against Bloor Battlers gun Gerald) but the rest of the team also played a solid game, perhaps their best team effort of the year. Dave fed Ivan for at least one goal and scored a beauty himself, while Al H. made an impact on defense in his first game in several weeks. Once again team Attitude Adjustment Specialist Rich had everyone focused on playing The System, which allowed the lads in black to capitalize on opposition mistakes while shutting down their attack.

Aces keeper Greg was cagey about his pre-game meal, leading this reporter to suspect that the Battlers did indeed manage to corner the market on Chicken Stir Fry in the GTA, as reported last week. Lalonde had just enough in him to kick out some crucial shots, thwarting a couple of late-game surges from the Blue Boys.

Aces Uber Alles

This week's guest scribe is none other than Steven Harper, leader of the federal conservative party. Apparently he had an old Alliance Party speech lying around and thought that with just a couple of minor tweaks it would be a good inspirational tool for us as we head into the final round of the playoffs.

Here it is:

Meine tapferen Hockeywarriors, ist es jetzt Zeit für Sie als Männer von stout Herz und starker Wille, oben gegen Ihre schlechten Unterdrücker in der Hockeyliga Cedarvale Oldtimers zu steigen. Mit Ihr langer dunkler Winter von anguish ist zu einem Ende gekommen, und alle Ihre prachtvollen Pläne sind jetzt bereit, verwircklicht zu werden, da Sie Ihre Feinde großen Wrath und schreckliches vengeance smite. Von haben Sie lang Sie erlitten und an der Sanftheit alle während der regelmäßigen Jahreszeit spielen, damit Sie einschläfern können Ihre Konkurrenten in eine falsche Richtung Hoffnung und Mühelosigkeit. Haben Sie Sie lang vorgetäuschte Nichtigkeit, damit Sie einen abschließenden zerquetschenden Schlag gegen einen Feind anschlagen konnten, der auf leeren Siegen fett gewachsen wurde.

Aber jetzt ist die Zeit gekommen anzugreifen! Jetzt Wille regieren Sie hinunter mächtige Schläge nach den unsuspecting Sturzhelmen Ihrer Mittwochnachtgegner! Und jetzt Wille behaupten Sie, was rechtmäßig Ihr ist - der Pinnacle der Bierligavollendung - wie Sie wie Riesen rittlings auf den rauchenden Ruinen der Hockeyliga Cedarvale Oldtimers stehen, Ihre jetzt-now-vanquished Feinde, die in der endgültigen Zerstörung an Ihren Füßen liegen. Können Sie lang regieren!
Alle hageln die schwarzen Asse!

Ihr Freund in der Schlacht,

Steven Harper

BabelFish Translation:

My courageous Hockeywarriors, is it now time for you as men of stout heart and strong will to rise above against your bad eliminators in the Hockeyliga Cedarvale of old timer. With your long dark winter of anguish came to an end, and all your splendourful plans are now ready to be verwircklicht since it its enemies large Wrath and terrible vengeance smite. Of you suffered long you and at the gentleness all during the regular season to play, thus you put to sleep can do your competitors in a wrong direction hope and Muehelosigkeit. Have you long pretended nullity, so that you could fasten a locking crushing impact against an enemy, who was fat grown on empty victories.

But now the time is to be attacked come! Now will govern you down powerful impacts after unsuspecting the crash helmets of your Wednesday night opponents! And now will state you, what their is legal - the Pinnacle of the beer league completion - like you like giants rittlings on the smoking ruins of the Hockeyliga Cedarvale of old timer, their now now vanquished enemies, who are in the final destruction because of your feet. Can you long govern!

All hail the black Asse!

Their friend in the battle,

Steven Harper

Professional Translation:

My brave hockey warriors, it is now time for you as men of stout heart and strong will to rise up against your evil oppressors in the Cedarvale Oldtimers Hockey League. Your long dark winter of anguish has come to an end, and all of your glorious plans are now ready to come to fruition, as you smite your enemies with great wrath and terrible vengeance. Long have you suffered, playing at meekness all throughout the regular season so that you may lull your opponents into a false sense of hope and ease. Long have you feigned ineptitude so that you might strike a final crushing blow against a foe grown fat on empty victories.

But now the time has come to attack! Now will you reign down mighty blows upon the unsuspecting helmets of your wednesday night adversaries! And now will you claim what is rightfully yours - the very pinnacle of Beer League accomplishment - as you stand like giants astride the smoking ruins of the Cedarvale Oldtimers Hockey League, your now-vanquished foes lying in utter destruction at your feet. Long may you reign!

All hail the Black Aces!

Your friend in battle,

Steven Harper

Aces Cancel Champagne Shipment

In a move that has shocked and disappointed their legions of fans worldwide, Aubrey's Aces (aka die schwarzen asse) have been forced to cancel a shipment of Moet et Chandon due to arrive in the team's dressing room after last night's game. After last week's thrilling upset win over the Red/Yellow team, most Aces players felt that the Cedarvale Cup was in the bag and that they need only go through the motions from here on in. Hence the order of pre-victory bubbly.

The Warriors had some other ideas, however, and jumped quickly to a 2-0 lead while the Blackshirts stood 'round gawking and stamping their little feet. After coming to their senses, the Aces did manage to tie the game on goals by Ivan and Dave, thereby saving the period. The rest of the game settled nothing though, as neither team could solve the other's netminder.

Some close calls around the Warriors net were all the schwarze Krieger could muster even though the shot totals appeared to be heavily in their favour. After allowing the two quick ones, Aces goalie Greg settled down and held off the whites behind another solid defensive performance from the black & blueliners.

Tempers flared only once in the fast and hard-fought game, when Dave "Holzfäller" Huntus laid a savage beating on the prized antique hockey stick of Warriors mainstay Gareth, prompting him to cry out for his mommy. Officials assessed each man a penalty on the play: 2 minutes to Davey for Assault on a Deadly Weapon, 2 minutes to Gareth for Throwing the Stick (Like a Girl) and an additional 2 to Davey for Daring to Rise up Against his Fascist Oppressors, aka Mouthing Off to the Refs.

Post-game refreshments were limited to semi-chilled tins of domestic beer consumed amid the combined miasmas of hockey sweat and bitter disappointment.

Area Hockey Team a Model of Energy Efficiency

In a confused but well-meaning response to the province's current energy supply crisis, area hockey team Aubrey's Aces pitched in like good corporate citizens and conserved as much energy as possible in their Cedarvale Oldtimers' League match against rivals the Bloor Battlers.

Needing only a half point to maintain their lead over the Battlers in the hunt for a berth in the championship game next week, the Blackshirts made certain that not one erg of excess energy was expended during the game. Deploying a careful strategy best described as "less is less", the Aces squad cruised through two and a half periods of intensive energy management. After allowing the BBs to take the first two periods as well as a 1-0 lead in the third, the Aces finally applied just enough force to propel the puck across the enemy line, putting them on track for the half point and the "victory". Praise and thanks go to Ivan for bagging the timely goal.

Team Scribe Jeff McCartney then accidentally fired an empty netter with just over a minute to go, and is now up for a fine and possibly a suspension for exceeding the maximum allowable energy output under the new Ontario Beer League Energy Act.

Final tally: a 4-3 win for the BBs, but a 2-1 third period for the Aces means 1 point for the Blacks and 4 points for the Blues. It also means the black squad finishes in 2nd place in the round robin, 2 points up on blue.

Next up: another championship contest for the Aces, their 4th in as many years. This year's opponents are the Wyse Guys, featuring the newly religious #55. Let's hope his motto isn't "Crushing The Enemy For Jesus".

Headlights 1, Deer 0

In spite of a daring and controversial ritual sacrifice of a deer by Team Shaman Richard Ward, area hockey team Aubrey's Aces fell short in their attempt to capture the Cedarvale Oldtimers' League crown for 2003-2004. Unbeknownst to his teammates, Ward last week decided to take the unusual step of engaging in an ancient native sacrificial ceremony known as Apitc dac aiamieieg Windjiban Kin Tash, or in English, "Catch Deer in Headlights of Minivan on Way Home From Ski Trip".

Sadly, Ward's initiative could not help the Aces overcome a Wyse Guys team that came ready to play smart, disciplined hockey. After holding Yellow to a single goal in the opening frame, the Aces were sunk by a second period flurry while narrowly missing several scoring chances of their own. A solid effort overall, but not enough to capture the flag.

In honour of the Aces' multi-year "streak", breakfast cereal giant General Mills has released this special edition Wheaties box to be released in time for the 2004 Stanley Cup Playoffs.