Total Rubbish

I don’t consider myself an expert at much, but I do know a little about bikes. I have  a small fleet of them (five at the moment) and although I’m not  a master wrench or anything I have a pretty good idea of how they work and what to do if they break. I seem to get asked on a fairly regular basis if I have any advice on buying a bike.

This week I was asked twice, so I thought I would share a few key points on the topic here. This is the answer I gave to my friend K. He’s pretty much your average urban rider, so he’s not looking for a high end road bike, and isn’t likely to be dropping off cliffs in the B.C. rainforest any time soon. He asked me about a bike he saw on Craigslist for $75, and that’s where I started.

K writes: “Hola!  Hope all is well.  Just wondered if you could give me some advice on buying a used bike.  I don’t want to spend much money and I was considering buying on Craigslist.  Really not sure what I should be looking for.  I know I don’t want the handles that curl under…I prefer the handles where you can sit up relatively straight (I know, I know).  Here’s one I found on Craigslist but I have no point of reference as to what to check for, etc.  What do you suggest?”

The bike in question was a poorly photographed mountain bike with no size info. I could tell though from the photos that it had a crap saddle on it, a dead giveaway that the owner was a clueless n00b. Most likely a Canadian Tire Special.

My answer: [with my additional comments in brackets]

Ok, I’m looking at the bike on CL.

Don’t buy it. [Craigslist is mainly a dumping ground for other people's shit bikes. Buyer beware, unless you really know what you are doing].

If you’re worried about being bent over too much then a mtn bike isn’t what you want. Plus, there’s zero info about the size of this bike in the listing. [why don't people list these things? That's like listing a car and saying only "Car for sale. Light blue. $3500 OBO." ]

I know you probably don’t want to spend a lot of money, but if you don’t get the proper size frame then whatever you spend is wasted anyway. So go to a bike shop and ask them to do a ‘fit’ for you. They can tell you what size frame you need, and then you can tell them what kind of riding you’re likely to be doing and what your budget is, and then they can try to sell you a bike. It’s time well spent, believe me.

General rules of thumb:

• Buy the lightest bike you can afford. There’s nothing worse than pedalling around on a bike that weighs as much as a small car. Not fun. Try to find a bike around 20-25 lbs if you can. Lighter than that will cost big $, heavier will be a miserable thing to ride. [I'm always amazed at the number of crazy heavy bikes I see trundling around the streets of Toronto - humungous 'cruiser' bikes that would probably fare pretty well in a collision with a Humvee. How do people pedal those things?]

• Toronto is flat. You don’t need 27 gears to get from A to B in this town. In fact I highly recommend a single speed bike. Not a fixed gear, but one gear that allows coasting (aka ‘freewheeling’ if you want to impress the bike shop staff). [contrary to popular belief, you don't need to be a bike messenger or a stone cold hipster to ride a fixie. I have one, and you won't catch me wearing skin tight jeans or ironic 70s t-shirts whilst riding it.]

• Aluminum frames are light and won’t rust, but steel is more comfortable. [titanium is even better, but titanium bikes cost as much as a jet fighter. After a few years of being in 'public beta' carbon is now also a superior frame material but for the average cyclist there's no reason to get that spendy.]

• If you plan on riding for even moderately long stretches, sitting bolt upright on the saddle is a bad idea. Avoid those types of bikes. [a properly fitting bike spreads out your body weight onto your hands, your feet & legs and finally your butt. Too much weight on your ass = bad for your spine and really uncomfortable. Plus you look like a tool.]

• If you don’t like the vibe of the bike shop, leave. They should be friendly and helpful, not all like hip and like whatever. There are lots of shops to choose from. [Hey bike shop dude giving me attitude, you make $12 an hour. Get real.]

• Ask about switching to a better or different saddle if the one that comes with the bike doesn’t feel comfortable. Very important. Don’t get the bouncy seatpost, waste of money. [saddles are fairly inexpensive, but super important. The right saddle is the difference between enjoying your bike and hating it, and it may take two or three tries before you find the one that fits your particular, em, anatomy. I like Fizik saddles myself and put them on any bike I'll be riding often, but there are tons of different designs out there.]

• Don’t load up on accessories when you buy the bike. Get that crap later. I’m talking racks, gloves, shorts, things like that. You need lights and a bell though, it’s the law. Helmet is optional. Shorts are important but only if you do a lot of riding, or long rides. [this one is optional, but if you're all jacked up about buying a bike it's easy to overspend on other stuff. Don't let the sales staff over-sell you if you can help it - if you need something, go back later and take your time]

Some good bike shops: [these are in Toronto]

Curbside Cycle (Bloor Street West) [super knowledgeable and friendly with a great selection of bikes of all kinds]

Urbane Cyclist (John & Queen) [a Toronto institution. They know their shit but won't give you the stinkeye if you don't know yours]

Cycle Solutions (various places) [I bought my Gary Fisher single speed there, they were helpful and low key about sales]

Sweet Petes (bloor & dufferin) [haven't been there myself but friends of mine who have all rave about it. Their site has been down for a while.]

[For higher end bikes try Endurosport, Wheels of Bloor, or Dukes. If you are in the east end and looking for accessories only try Velotique]

*  *  *

So that was my advice to K. I also forwarded it to A, who also asked about buying a bike. Good luck to both of you!

Just for the record, here are the bikes currently living at my house.

1. 2004 Cervelo Super Prodigy in Team CSC colours. One of the finest steel frame bicycles ever made, IMO. Super light, comfortable, and ready to race. Also drop dead gorgeous.

2. 2009 Gary Fisher Triton single speed, cromoly frame. My commuter bike. Casual geometry, mid range components & wheels. Built for comfort.

3. 2001 Marinoni aluminum frame. My old road bike, now relegated to the indoor trainer & the occasional commute. Marinoni are from Quebec and make fantastic bikes.

4. Late 80’s Concorde in the team colours of Dutch pro squad PDM. Converted to a fixed gear, the only thing from the original bike that still survives is the frame. Everything else has been replaced.

5. Late 60’s Viner road bike. Italian. Super light. Vintage. Mint condition. Too small for me to ride comfortably. For sale. Contact me if you’re interested.

admin Uncategorized, cycling

So last time we met I was bleating on about my VO2max and Lactate Threshold tests, and how I was getting prepped for some properly regimented training. This would be in contrast to my regular modus operandi when it comes to prepping for races. Normally I just run when I feel too much like a giant ball of uselessness, and that gets me feeling good again. That works out to maybe twice a week on a good week, or one decent run on a sunday in most cases. Not exactly scientific.

This year I was offered (in exchange for some web-related work) a real training program from my friend Beaker in Anchorage Alaska. She runs the Peak Center for Human Performance franchise there, and is generally an all around awesome person who seems to have boundless energy and good cheer. We’ve never met offline but I consider her an actual friend nonetheless.

The tests were completed, the results were compiled, and the plan was created for me. I have my schedule for May, and so far… not pretty. I have only one day off each week and I have some pretty exacting instructions for the other six. The workouts are not hard, not yet anyway. The problem is getting the damn things into my schedule. My first run was supposed to be 50 minutes in Zone 1. That means a heart rate of between 133 and 145 BPM. Sounds kind of high, but trust me this translates to a brisk walk, pace-wise. I thought I would run part way to work to get this one done, so I bailed from the subway at Greenwood station and ran as casually as I could the rest of the way to work at University and Dundas. Not good enough. 39 minutes later i arrived, and as for heart rate i had no idea since my monitor was in the shop but I hardly broke a sweat so it did feel kind of Zone 1-ish.

Next day: a day off!  Not surprisingly I handled this one easily, although it seemed a bit harsh that I was not even allowed to ride my bike to work, as per taskmistress Beaker’s firm instructions. Yes, Beaker, I left the bike home that day.

Day 3 (don’t worry, the fine details are about to come to an abrupt end): a Zone 2 bike ride for 20 minutes followed right away by a Zone 1 ride for 60. This means on the trainer, not outdoors, which is harder than it sounds. First of all it was pretty hard to get into Zone 2 (141-151 BPM). It took about 10-15 minutes to get going, and it was not easy to keep it there. I did manage it though, and then continued on for another sweaty, boring 45 minutes in Zone 1 before I had to get ready to go out. Uh oh, already I’m falling off the wagon. Not a good sign.

Day 4 & 5 called for a brick (bike & run back to back, with specific target zones) and a swim. Both bolloxed by a family emergency that had me out of town all day on day 4 and all night on day 5. I did manage the next day, which was a strength session followed immediately by a 60 minute Zone 1 run. Since this was at lunch on a work day 60 minutes turned into 45. Can you see where this is going? On Day 7 my back threw a wobbly on me, partly because of the workout on Day 6, no doubt, and that was the end of that for Day 7 and Day 8. Day 9 was borked by meetings at work all day and a hockey game that night. Day 10 is a day off, but I rode to work since I didn’t feel like I’d actually earned a day of rest. Day 10 and 11 were pre-borked by a planned trip out of town.

And here we are.

How the heck am I supposed to get these workouts done? How do people do this? Maybe I just don’t have the motivation any more – it’s been a couple of years since my last race and four years since my last major race (IM Lake Placid in 2006). Life has a way of interfering with your plans, doesn’t it? I thought for sure I’d have another IM under my belt by now but a laundry list of stupid injuries and general weirdness has kept me on the sidelines.

There’s still hope, my target race is at the end of August. It’s not looking good for a PB though, not at this rate.

I am a bad triathlete.

admin Uncategorized slurm, training, triathlon

The past two of my saturdays have been spent in lovely downtown Burlington Ontario, where I’ve been undergoing some pretty interesting athletic testing and the Peak Centre for Human Performance. Well, I say ‘athletic’ even though I don’t have the results yet, but I’m optimistic. Each test was designed to test two things: lactate threshold and VO2Max. These are important markers of athletic ability and the results will determine the best way for me to train for any upcoming races. More on that later.

Last saturday was the run test, and yesterday (april 24) was the same test on the bike. Before I describe the hell that these tests are, let me back up and explain LT and VO2Max.

Lactate Threshold – this test measures how fast your (or in this case, my) body is able to clear lactic acid, which is produced during exercise. The longer or harder you push, the more lactic acid builds up. It somehow interferes with your muscles’ ability to do their job and runners know it as the ‘burn’ you feel when you are at your limit. Clear this junk efficiently and you can go longer, push harder and generally kick more ass.

VO2Max is “the maximum capacity of an individual’s body to transport and utilize oxygen during incremental exercise, which reflects the physical fitness of the individual”. (from Wikipedia, of course). Endurance athletes have heroic VO2 levels (Lance Armstrong rates an 84, and x-country skiers have been measured in the 90s). Mere mortals usually have levels of 30 – 50 depending on age and health.

The test itself is interesting, in the same way that waterboarding must be interesting to guests at Guantanamo Bay. As in “I know they won’t let me die but it sure feels like I might. Interesting…” Try to imagine running as fast as you can on a treadmill, while scuba diving, while giving blood, and you have some idea of what it’s like. Every 3 minutes the pace on the treadmill gets upped and a nice lady jabs your finger and takes some blood. Your nose is plugged and you are breathing through a kind of aqualung-type of apparatus that is really quite difficult to breathe normally through. You have to work at it, sort of like scuba diving. If after each interval you feel ready to go faster you give your tormentors the thumbs up and you they increase the speed. For the bike test the resistance of the bike trainer is increased, forcing you to output greater and great wattage as the test progresses.

In both tests you go until you bail, so you are pretty much deliberately bonking. I don’t have my results back yet but the screen with my readouts was not far away. I vaguely remember seeing heart rates around 180 before waving the white flag, but I have no idea what my VO2max was. I think it may require some time to calculate.

The last time I tested was in 2005 so it should be interesting to see the difference. I’ll report the results here if they aren’t too embarassing.

admin Running, Sports, Uncategorized, cycling

I have no idea how I ever ran farther than 100 meters before I got an ipod. Seriously. I’ve had portable music players since the days of the Sony Walkman, but until the ipod came along nothing was small enough, light enough or shock resistant enough to run with.

My first run with one was a revelation, I have to say. Running to me is not a ton of fun, most days. Cycling is pure zen bliss but running? It’s hard work. The ipod made running a little less like work and a little more like something approaching fun. Thank you Apple.

Some tunes are better than others to run to, of course. Like what? Like these, for instance:

• Range Life – Pavement. Beautiful slacker anthem about L.A. Hearing this one well into a long run is bliss, crappy vocals and all.
• PDA – Interpol. NYC hipsters lay it down.
• Flying in a Blue Dream – Joe Satriani. Way over the top guitar hero histrionics, but it makes you feel like you’re in a Warren Miller film. Awesome.
• Irish Blood, English Heart - Morrissey. Ah, Mozzer. No matter how short of breath that I may be, when this comes on I’ll sing with ye.
• Enter Sandman – Metallica. I actually think Metallica are shite, but this song rules.
• Driver 8 – R.E.M.  Early R.E.M. just does it for me, and this is one of their finest, er, worksongs.
• Crystal Wrists – Peter Murphy. From Deep, which has been on heavy rotation with me since 1990. Pure genius.
• Learn to Fly – Foo Fighters. Sure it was a ‘hit’ but it’s a great mood lifter so it’s perfect for injecting a little energy into the old jog.
• Little Sister – Queens of the Stone Age. Great chorus on this one and it sounds brilliant even through crappy Apple earbuds.
• Still in Love – The Stills. From their absolutely brilliant first effort. Propulsive pop purloined from the New Order School of song writing.
• Every Day is Hallowe’en – Ministry. An old batcave dance club fave. I’m pretty far from goth but this song is still great 25 years on.
• John the Fisherman – Primus. From the creators of the South Park theme song, so you know it’s weird, but man these dudes can really play. Heavy.
• Joe the Lion – David Bowie. Featuring the guitar stylings of Mr. Robert Fripp, this is a gem from Heroes. Motors right along.
• Surgical Focus – Guided by Voices. Drunken genius Robert Pollard’s singular take on the arena rock anthem format puts all those other wannabe rock stars to shame.
• Working Class Hero - Green Day. That’s right, not the John Lennon version. GD kick this one out with something approaching actual conviction, surprisingly.
• Lust for Life – Iggy Pop. Like, come on. No running playlist should be without this song.
• God Put a Smile Upon Your Face – Coldplay. The only decent song this band has ever written, IMO. They are vastly overrated, so this one must be a fluke. See below.

As you may have guessed, I prefer the guitar-heavy stuff when I run, but there are also some good trance-type tunes that are great for zoning out to if you have to do a long one. I prefer stuff from Massive Attack, DJ Cheb I Sabbah, Delerium, Talvin Singh, and a bunch of other Indipop club stuff.

Tunes to avoid:

• anything by Neil Young. Guaranteed to bring you right down.
• Brian Eno. Unless you run in your sleep.
• Coldplay. Because they suck. Hard. With the one exception noted above.

So there you have it, sports fans. My next post will be about the quest for the perfect pair of running-friendly headphones.

admin Running, Sports music, Running, slurm

Oh lucky me. I’ve been airlifted in to replace a fallen comrade in one of the finest running races in North America, if not The World. That would be the 117th edition of the venerable Around the Bay race in Hamilton Ontario Canada. Some quick facts:

• First held in 1894
• Distance: 30 kilometers
• Cool factor: Very High
• A Map

For me, this is doubly cool because I have not done a real road race since breaking my leg and ankle just over 2 years ago. I ran the Corporate Challenge this year but that doesn’t count because it’s not really part of any circuit and the distances are wonky. Plus they don’t use chip timers, so feh.

I’ve always wanted to do the ATB but have never been fit enough to do the 30k distance by the end of March, when the race is held. I still won’t be fit enough, but that’s ok because I’ll be part of a 3-person relay team (me plus @ltorvi plus @indigirl) and will only have to cover the final 10k. Mind you, the final 10k includes a nasty uphill section on the way back into downtown Steeltown, so it won’t be a dawdle. But still. Ten kay should be within reach.

Running the 3rd leg means hanging about with not much to do whilst the first 2 legs are run, but since they probably won’t have a beer tent for relay runners (until after the race, at least) I should still be good to go once it’s my turn.

Big ups to @pipesdreams for tagging me to take her place on the squad, though I would have just as gladly taken her place (mostly) in Boston instead. That’s Boston as in “PAX” and not as in “marathon“.  I say ‘mostly’ because she’s going with her manservant and, well, you know. D is a good guy and all but I’m not that into dudes. Plus it’s some kind of gamer/comic geek thing and I don’t have the geek cred to hang with that crowd so I would have to bail and see whassup in Beantown instead.

admin Running

So right away you know this is a serious review just because I called it a ‘film review’ and not a ‘movie review’, right? I have to call it that since I went to U of T about 100 years ago and emerged with a degree in Cinema Studies. That means I can never call a movie a movie, at least not in print. Movies are films, and collectively must be referred to as ‘cinema’.  If I lapse into the speech of the common folk at any time, a secret alarm goes off in Bart Testa’s bat cave and he sends a T.A. in trench coat to kick my ass with a Bolex wrapped in mail bag. And that leaves a mark. So ‘Film Review’ it is.

I went to see the new Guy Ritchie -directed version of Sherlock Holmes today. In spite of my fancy film degree I don’t go to a lot of movies, er, films these days, and after today’s experience I know why. SH looks like it cost 100 million to make – huge set pieces, brilliant CG, lots of attention to detail and very consistent mise en scene (I threw that one in there just in case Bart happens to see this review) throughout. There were some splashy fight sequences cleverly done in the style that Mrs. Madonna has become known for (see Snatch) and some rather decent work from Robert Downey Jr. (anyone know who the hell RD Sr. is?) and Jude Law, but these still could not raise Sherlock Holmes above the level of ‘ok timewaster’ for me.

It’s cut from the same old cloth that so many action films are lately – the spate of live-action comic book movies has somehow infected how all big budget action flicks are made now. Characters are not well developed. Dialogue is about as natural as a 1940’s gangster flick. Villains are 2 dimensional and uncomplex, basically Pure Evil in a jar. It’s all such rubbish.

I know nothing of the Sherlock Holmes ‘franchise’ – apparently there was a television series? Plus of course there have been many previous tries at bringing Arthur Conan Doyle’s character to the big screen, with varying degrees of success. So it’s not like I was disappointed by the lack of faithfulness to the original (or whatever prior version of Holmes one considers as the template). I was just disappointed that this latest version, in spite of its huge budget and A list cast, came out so flat. It’s not a bad movie film, but it should have been so much better.

Imagine if this had been in the hands of a different director, say, David Cronenberg. With a tenth the budget I bet he could have delivered ten times the results. I shan’t be seeing this one again.

admin Uncategorized culture, film, rubbish

It’s been quite a while since I’ve been a regular blogger, and maybe the name gave it away but I’m still not sure about diving back into the ’sphere with this one. To be a ’successful’ blogger, so the current wisdom goes, one must focus on a single area of expertise rather than spout off about whatever strikes one’s fancy. That presupposes that one even has an area of expertise, though, doesn’t it? I’m not sure I do, so I’m going to attempt to write not about what I’m expert at but rather what I’m interested in.

So, what am I interested in? Lots of stuff. Art, architecture, design (graphic, web, packaging and industrial), cycling, physics, astronomy, religion (though I’m not a follower of any religion) and maybe just a little bit of Canadian and Toronto politics. Not exactly a focused list, is it?

So, wtf? Let’s give it a shot.

admin Uncategorized general, intro, slurm